Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
I shake my head and then toss my cell onto the nightstand before stripping my shirt and pants off and crawling into the bed. I cross my arms behind my head and stare up at the ceiling for a long time, just thinking about finally dealing with my shit. The thought alone is terrifying, but I'll do it if that's what it takes to get January back. I'd crawl through hell for that girl if she asked it of me.
My phone ringing jerks me awake about an hour later. I reach for it, my pulse pounding when I see her name on the screen.
"Baby girl? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I'm half asleep, but even then, I know the only reason she'd be calling me is if something is wrong.
"I woke you up," she whispers.
"Don't give a fuck," I mumble and sit upright in the bed. "What's wrong, little monster?"
"Nothing…I…" She sounds so vulnerable it kills me a little. I just want to scoop her up in my arms and fight her demons for her. "I just need you to talk to me for a little while, okay?" she says, her voice trembling.
"You sure you're okay?" I'll talk to her until I can't fucking talk anymore if that's what she wants.
"I'm working on it," she says. "I'm…I'm seeing someone."
Pain slams into me, ripping through me like an atom bomb. I think I whimper.
"A therapist," she says quickly. "I'm seeing a therapist. Trying to work through some of my issues."
The fist around my throat loosens, allowing me to pull in a breath.
"That's good," I murmur, regret cutting deep. I fucking hate that she's hurting because of me, and there isn't a goddamn thing I can do to stop it. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby girl. There are so many things I wish I could do differently. If I could bring them back for you, I would. I'd take their place in a second to give you back your family."
I would trade my life without hesitation to bring them back for her. If I could go back and do it all over, I would change everything about what happened. She'd never have to feel the guilt and pain I know she feels. She'd never have to go to sleep at night, knowing she'll never see her mom or brother again.
"They're your family too," she whispers, and, fuck, I think those are the sweetest words I've ever heard. Jagged little pieces of my heart stitch themselves back together again. For the first time in years, that corner of it stops fucking bleeding. "I don't want you to take their place, Cade. I never wanted that. I would never want that. I…I'm glad I didn't lose you too."
God. She's killing me and doesn't even know it.
"January." That's all I can get out through the swell of emotion coursing through me.
"I don't blame you," she whispers, shuffling around like she's moving shit. "Titan made his own choices, Cade. You weren't responsible for them, and I don't blame you for what happened. I was hurting the day I told you it was your fault, but I didn't mean it. I wish…I wish you would have told me the truth back then. I wish you hadn't carried that weight by yourself for so long. There's a lot of stuff I wish for, but I don't wish you were dead instead of Titan."
"Fuck," I whisper, feeling like I might fucking cry at her words. I've dreamed about hearing them for so long but never thought I would. Never thought I could ever deserve to hear them. I’m still not sure I do. But I want to feel like I deserve her forgiveness. Like I deserve her.
"I miss you," she whispers, her voice trembling and sweet.
I groan, my dick turning to steel in my boxers. I slide a hand inside and wrap it around my cock, trying to ease the pressure. It doesn't help, though. Nothing but sliding inside her is going to take away this ache.
"I miss you too, baby girl. So goddamn much, but I've been trying to be good and give you space. I'm about to lose my fucking mind trying, but I am trying." I exhale a breath. "Now that I've had you in my arms again, I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to sleep without you in them."
"I don't want space."
"Yeah?" I'm fucked. There's no way I can leave her alone now. My hand glides up and down my cock, jerking myself off as I think about eliminating every particle of space between us. Not even a quark will fit between our bodies when I get my hands on her again.
"There's a lot you don't know. A lot I want to tell you," she whispers softly.
“You can tell me anything, January.”
“I know. It’s just...It’s overwhelming, you know?”