Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
"Why?"
"Because you need to face the things that scare you," she says frankly. "And seeing that necklace scares the shit out of you."
She's not wrong about that. I hid it in my closet the day after my birthday because I couldn't look at it without hurting. And then I couldn't look at it because I felt guilty.
"You need to remember that Titan didn't do what he did because of you, January. He did what he did because he loved you. You were his little sister. Your happiness meant the world to him. You can't blame yourself for him wanting to give you the world when you would have done the same thing for him."
"Okay," I whisper, licking my dry lips.
For once, the little voice that usually whispers that it was my fault is silent.
"You can do this," I coach myself, staring at the box in the back corner of my closet like it might bite me. I've avoided it all weekend, but my time is up. It's Sunday night and I have to follow through on this. I promised Dr. Jenner that I would take it out of the box. That's all I have to do. Take the box down from the closet and pull out the little jewelry box.
Five minutes later, I'm still standing there, staring at the box like it's full of spiders.
I can't do it alone. I'm not ready to do it alone. But maybe…maybe….
Before I can convince myself not to do it, I pace across my bedroom and pick up my cellphone. My hands shake as I dial. My heart pounds so hard it seems louder than the ringing of the phone.
"Baby girl?" Cade says on the second ring. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
He sounds like he was sleeping, but the second I hear that deep voice, a wave of calm washes through me. My body responds. My core clenches at the sleepy, sexy sound of his voice. The tension in my muscles eases.
"I woke you up," I whisper.
"Don't give a fuck," he mumbles and shuffles around like he's sitting up. "What's wrong, little monster?"
"Nothing…I…" I'm not even sure where to begin. Maybe I shouldn't have called him, but I feel stronger when he's near and I really needed to hear his voice. "I just need you to talk to me for a little while, okay?"
"You sure you're okay?" Worry laces his voice, making it clear he doesn’t believe me.
"I'm working on it," I admit instead of lying to him. "I'm…I'm seeing someone."
A pained sound comes down the line, an agonized growl that breaks my heart in half.
"A therapist," I hurry to add, hating that he thinks I meant another guy. "I'm seeing a therapist. Trying to work through some of my issues." Before I lose the nerve, I hurry back to the closet and yank the box down. Juggling the phone between my ear and my shoulder, I fish around for a second before my hand closes over the little square jewelry box.
"That's good," Cade rasps. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby girl. There are so many things I wish I could do differently. If I could bring them back for you, I would. I'd take their place in a second to give you back your family."
"They're your family too," I whisper, holding the box tightly in my hand as my chest aches. He sounds so broken, so lost. "I don't want you to take their place, Cade. I never wanted that. I would never want that. I'm…I'm glad I didn't lose you too."
"January," he groans.
"I don't blame you," I whisper, thrusting the larger box back inside the closet before making my way over to the bed. I tug open the drawer on my nightstand, determined to put the necklace inside…but I don't. Instead, I sit on the bed and cross my legs before placing it in front of me. The box still looks brand new.
"Titan made his own choices, Cade. You weren't responsible for them and I don't blame you for what happened. I was hurting the day I told you it was your fault, but I didn't mean it. I wish…I wish you would have told me the truth back then. I wish you hadn't carried that weight by yourself for so long. There's a lot of stuff I wish for, but I don't wish you were dead instead of Titan."
"Fuck," Cade says, exhaling a shuddering breath.
I pull the top off the box. The little pendant is nestled inside, still as brand new as the box. It hasn't dulled or faded at all over the years. Tears spring to my eyes at the sight, but I smile too. My brother was a lot of things. Maybe I'll never fully understand what happened or why, but the one thing that never changed was how much he wanted to see me happy. How much he loved me. And how much he loved Cade.