Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 93096 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93096 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
“You could always move in with me. There’s room.”
“Thanks, Mami, but you know I need my space.” More like he needed his life. He loved his family, loved spending time with them, but he needed his own life. His own...
Family. He sank into a chair at the tiny dining table. That was what was missing from his life, what he’d been in a funk over without ever naming it. Even after he ended the call, he continued to sit there, ignoring his food, rubbing his temples. He’d come close to having a family with Mike—they’d certainly cared for each other and started building a life together. But then he’d lost all that potential, lost a piece of himself too. And it had taken him time—years—to return to this place where he wanted that. His own family. Someone to come home to. Overlapping social circles. Extended family. All of it.
And the worst thing was that he could see that life with Tucker, so easily. The two of them at the center of a life rich with people and food and shared interests. They could be a family, not simply a couple. And God, he wanted that. He wanted Tucker every night, not stolen visits here and there. He wanted Tucker to...
What? Make the impossible happen? No. He knew better than to demand that from Tucker. But letting go of all the potential they had for the life he truly wanted, that was hard. He honestly wasn’t sure he could, wasn’t sure he could go back to his old life as the perpetual bachelor uncle, the single friend, the unattached coworker. And if he couldn’t, then where did that leave him? Right here. Desperately wanting an answer to all his mixed-up questions, already missing Tucker more than anything.
Meow. Out of nowhere, Blaze launched herself into Luis’s lap.
“What the—Cat, what are you doing?” He reflexively started to pet her. Years together and he could count on one hand the number of times she’d willingly snuggled with him. Maybe she sensed how down he was. Or maybe she wanted to tell him to stop being an idiot.
Probably that. She undoubtedly missed Tucker’s house too, would rather be there, would rather Luis figure his stuff out. Regardless, here she was, purring in his lap. He took a deep, steadying breath. Funny enough, Blaze feeling sorry for him made him feel even more alone and hopeless. Like his last, good chance at that life he wanted was gone.
How many chances are you going to get? Fragments of his conversation with Walker kept filtering back to him as he kept petting Blaze. How many chances in life did a person get to have what they truly wanted? He had a feeling he already knew the answer, so now the real question was how to apply that knowledge.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Watching Luis at work Monday was torture for Tucker. Their eyes had met during the morning meeting, both of them looking away fast. Which was understandable because no greeting or meaningful look was going to solve this gulf between them. Tucker couldn’t pretend that he was okay, and he doubted Luis had it any easier. The last time he’d ached this bad, he’d been kicked by a horse out at his folks’ place. Luis’s tired eyes looked like he too hadn’t been sleeping much. And it wasn’t like he had a clue what to say to Luis in any event.
He’d done nothing but think for the past day, turning everything over and over in his head, trying to find a reason to go to Luis with something more than desperation. Now, because he still hadn’t found those answers, every interaction hurt. Seeing the tight lines around Luis’s eyes and mouth made his chest ache. Noticing his tense posture while he tried to joke with Garrick as they waited for another meeting to start made Tucker swing his feet against his chair base, restless with a need to be over there too, a craving for one more smile.
The meeting was an update on the arson investigation, and Luis was so damn smooth as he presented that Tucker couldn’t help but be impressed all over again. He was so good at the job, pointing out minutiae in various clues, finding relationships where others might miss the connections.
“I’m headed over to the air base later today for an interagency meeting about the case. I’m expecting to be able to report a big break soon.”
Ah. No Luis to accidentally bump into that afternoon should have been good news for Tucker’s worn-down psyche, but it was simply one step closer to no Luis in the office at all, something Fred made clear when it was his turn to speak.
“Hope that break arrives soon. I know you want to see this case through, but California is getting loud about needing you back.” Fred shuffled the stack of papers in front of him.