Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“Looks like your dinner plans came to you instead.” Rachel laughed. “I suppose I should make myself scarce. There’s probably something that needs doing in the barn. And I’ll handle the eggs.”
“Thanks. I’ll do it tomorrow. I owe you.”
Whatever was about to happen, I didn’t want an audience. Bad enough we’d had our other conversation in the middle of downtown Burlington’s foot traffic. This time, I wanted to get it right, and that included giving us space to really talk.
As Rachel left, Harrison emerged from his car. He’d changed clothes. He’d replaced the dress shirt and pants with a pair of loose jeans and a T-shirt advertising a spinning studio in New York. Sometime in the last few weeks, he’d learned to dress more casually for the farm, and I hadn’t even registered it. He’d been making an effort to fit in, and I hadn’t let myself notice.
“You changed.” The awe in my voice was for more than his outfit. Maybe I’d missed other important things too.
“Well, yes. I hope. I’m still learning what’s appropriate.” Harrison nodded solemnly, like he’d understood that I meant more than clothing.
“I know.” I wanted to reach for him, but I didn’t. Not yet. “You came.”
“I did.” He kept that grave tone.
“I was going to come to you.”
“You were?” His eyebrows went up.
“I think I walked away too soon,” I admitted.
Harrison nodded, eyes guarded. “I let you go too easily. Can we talk?”
“Yeah.” This time my agreement wasn’t rooted in anger and frustration. Instead I felt the first flutters of hope, the idea that maybe we could work something out.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Harrison
“Good,” I said.
And it was. Finn’s admission that he’d been planning to come see me had given me an unexpected jolt of optimism. I’d anticipated resistance, maybe even hostility. But instead, Finn seemed cautious, much less confident than usual. He led me toward his place, stopping to remove our boots on his porch, as usual, but neither of us broke the silence.
I waited to speak until after we went inside and he shut the door. “I have something for you.”
“Oh?” Finn tilted his head as I fished the envelope out of my pocket and handed it over. It was heavy cardstock with a nubbly texture. He opened it, but his expression remained confused. “What is this? Birthday party?”
“I’m going to be forty-three in November.” My chest tightened as my pulse skittered. “It’s kind of a big deal. And I want you there.”
“Yeah?” Finn’s mouth pursed, not a frown precisely, but also not a smile. “Why? I’m trying to follow along here.”
“You said I needed to be all in. And stop planning my life around worst-case scenarios.” I willed my voice to stop wavering. “This is me saying I’m going to turn forty-three. I’m going to believe that’s a thing that will actually happen.”
“It will.” Finn’s voice was firm.
“I hope—yes. It will.” I tried to channel his certainty. “And I’m not going to say I’m never going to worry about my health. But I’m going to make plans for my future.”
“And you want me to be a part of the future?”
Finn wasn’t making this easy. Opening up like this was almost harder than believing I had a lot of birthdays left. But I could try.
“I do, yes. For a long time now, I’ve been afraid to hope, and then I met you, and I wanted to hope again, but the worries kept getting in the way.” I exhaled. Standing by the door felt like I was half in and half out of this conversation, so I stepped into the living area and sat on Finn’s little couch. “I want to work on getting past those fears, actually enjoy what I’ve got here.”
“So you’re going to have a party?” Finn didn’t take the chair like I’d expected. Instead, he squeezed in next to me, his warmth a welcome treat, fortifying me for more truth-telling.
“It’s a start.” My voice was lighter now that he was right beside me. “Might go wild and make plans for a February getaway to somewhere warm.”
“Is that you planning to be here all winter?” Tone wary, Finn was still studying me more cautiously than I liked.
“Yes. And if you want me to trust you and give you the freedom to make up your own mind about a future together, then you have to trust me.” I was firmer now, no wavering. I wasn’t the only one who’d been resisting being all-in. “Trust me to stay.”
“It’s hard.” Finn looked down at the invitation in his hands, moving his foot restlessly against the rug.
At least he was being honest. “I get that.”
“But you’re right.” Finn looked up, nodding even as he spoke softly. “I was so quick to walk away because it was easier to be the one to go, rather than wait for you to leave. And this whole time, you’ve been changing, showing me that you belong, both here in Vermont and with me, but I didn’t want to see it.”