Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 73817 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73817 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
He struggles with his thoughts as he gazes at me. I see him wrestling with what to say.
Then: “Okay. I promise. You happy?”
My lips curl up, giving in to a smile just as the breeze picks up, brushing past my face. “I’ll be happy as long as you keep that promise.”
Seany frowns in thought, but doesn’t protest further.
My hand slips from his as I step away from the banister and turn my back to the waves. “Think I’m ready to sleep now. Need to make sure we’re ready for the week, just in case we get extra business from all the Pride stuff going on. Plus my usual Monday morning crap.”
“Okay. I’ll … I’ll stay out here a little longer, if that’s alright.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Goodnight, Coop.”
I consider saying something else, then refrain. “Have a good night yourself, Seany.” I head back inside.
It’s a mere eleven minutes later while I’m in bed that I hear him slip in through the back door. After a trip to the toilet to pee, he quietly pads into the bedroom, climbs into bed, and snuggles by my side without a word. I adjust, taking him into my arms and being the big spoon. Then we grow still in the dark, our bodies pressed against one another—a perfect, snuggly fit.
Another ten minutes later, my eyes are still open.
My nose, lost in Seany’s soft hair, my lips at the back of his sweet, supple neck.
My thoughts are everywhere. My heart, too.
Am I overthinking this? Am I causing a problem when there isn’t one? He already knows he’s free to leave. He’s well aware I’m not keeping him or claiming him.
He has expressed how happy he is with me.
Why can’t I believe it and just roll with it?
Because he’s a child and doesn’t know better, I remind myself. That’s why. I have to think for the both of us. I’ve got to be responsible for this ship or else it’s heading right into the rocks by the siren’s call of our own out-of-check libidos and plain old desperation to not be alone.
This kid deserves more than me.
I realize that’s a big statement to make about someone I just met. But perhaps we both have that uncanny ability to know a person in a short amount of time. Faces pass by my bar, a hundred a night, and I know desperation. I know the sting of need that lives beyond wet, drunken eyes. I know well-intentioned expressions. I know greedy ones. I know bad, bad boys with one thing in mind. I know boys with many things in mind—and I know Seany isn’t one of them.
He’s worth my time. He’s worth my stress. He’s worth my overthinking and my sleeplessness and my curiosity.
And if I have any hope of giving him the happiness he deserves, I need to do the one thing I can’t stomach to do.
I need to let him go.
Y’know, some bullshit about if a bird truly loves you, set it free and hope it doesn’t land on the wrong power line.
“You still can’t sleep, can you?”
I didn’t know he’s still awake. “Go to sleep, Seany.”
“I can’t when you can’t.”
I chuckle. “Don’t be stubborn.”
“You’re all stiff. Not in the good way.”
“Seany …”
“Like trying to snuggle with a filing cabinet.” He slips onto his back in my arms, facing me. “Is this about the whole Monday hotel thing?”
“The what …?”
“You said you were going to search for hotel rooms on Monday using your island favors. Said you’d do it so I can have my own space or whatever.”
I completely forgot about that arrangement. “Oh.”
“Is that what’s on your mind? And you forgot about all the extra stuff going on this week, so you’re worried there won’t be vacancies or something?”
“No. I …” He has my mind twisted around now. “I thought you wanted to stay here with me.”
“I do.”
“Then why would I be thinking about hotel rooms?”
“How am I supposed to know? Something’s on your mind and you’re leaving me to, like, figure it out all night like a puzzle. Are you having second thoughts about me staying here? You gonna kick me out in the morning?”
“No.”
“You sure? A heads-up would be nice, y’know.”
I sit up and peer down at him. “Seany, I’m not kicking you onto the streets. I will never do that. I told you.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“Do you really want to go to the thing tomorrow?”
The sudden question has Seany staring at me blankly. “I … Huh? Do I what?”
“You heard me. Do you want to go to the bonfire and the street fair or not? Honest answer. Ignore what I said or how I might’ve reacted in front of the arcade earlier.”
He doesn’t answer.
I take that as one. “We’re going, then.”
“What?”
“The street fair and the bonfire. I said I wanted you to find your family here, right? I want you to be happy. So … I’m making the decision for us. We’re going out tomorrow night. You’ll get to meet everyone who matters on the island. And also probably a lot of people who don’t.”