Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88218 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88218 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“I’m not leaving you.”
I pull back with glassy eyes, trying to figure out what he means.
“I’m leaving Hollywood. I’m leaving fame. I’m not leaving you. I …” He bites his lip. “I want to ask you to come with me, but I can’t ask you to give up your life for me.”
My brain is too tired to comprehend what he means. “So, you’re not leaving me, but you are going back to Montana. You want me to go with you even though you know I can’t because I’m under contract. You’re under contract too, or have you forgotten about that?”
“I’ll get out of it. Pay the money back they gave me.”
“You’re not even going to stick around for the finale?”
“I … shit. I don’t think I can. I’m not … I’m not strong enough to deal with this. When I came back, I was literally just looking for somewhere to escape the paparazzi.”
I lean up on my elbow. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have come back to LA. You would’ve escaped to some other secluded place.”
“Okay, maybe I wasn’t only looking to escape. I also wanted to see you. After you turned up on my doorstep, I wanted to make things right. I came here to fix us. But now …”
“Now you want to break us again. Got it.”
“No, I don’t. What are your plans for when Fandom wraps? You could maybe come to Montana and—”
“And what? Grow Christmas trees? Live off royalties that will eventually die off over time? Go back to being so poor we have to eat ramen every meal—that’s if we even get to eat every day.”
“I’m not that broke, you know. Besides, eating ramen in a mansion isn’t exactly the end of the world.”
“I am this life.” I am because I have to be. Because I know what it’s like to have an empty stomach for what feels like days. I remember exactly what it was like to be poor. To worry about being a growing boy and eating so much food that Nanna couldn’t afford rent because she’d spend it all on groceries.
Logically and rationally, I know it’s a long fall from where I am now, but the fear of it is what keeps me motivated to try everything to hold on to some sort of a career.
“Do you know why I’ve kept that ugly-ass duck all these years?”
“Because your taste is seriously questionable, and you love that thing?”
“No. Well, yes, but the main reason is because it reminds me that I came from nothing and built my way up in this industry to the point I could afford a useless, ugly, basically only good for a paperweight duck. It reminds me why I do what I do.”
The deeper meaning of Bill finally registers in Mason’s eyes.
“You don’t think you belong here,” I continue. “Or, you don’t right now because of Cameron, but settling down in Montana isn’t me. I don’t think it’s you either, but it’s not my place to tell you why you’re leaving. You have your reasons, and I’m sure you believe them, but maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re lying to yourself.”
Mason’s silent for a beat. “I don’t want to live my life for someone else. Not a label. Not Harley. Not any of the other guys from Eleven.”
Way to punch me in the heart.
“But you …” His breath comes out shaky. “I … I don’t want to leave you.”
“So you said. It’s not going to stop you, though, is it?” I’m important. Just not important enough.
“I need to do this. Singing with you guys today, it made me realize I really am done.”
Yeah. So am I.
I’m done trying to make him fall in love with me.
I’m done thinking this has any type of real future.
I’m done talking.
“Kiss me?” I ask.
If this is goodbye, I’m going to do it properly. With only the small amount of courage and strength I have left, I pour it into kissing him instead of what I really want to use it for which is to beg for him to stay.
All of those arguments run through my head, each one easily dismissed. He could stay here and live with me but stay out of the spotlight—not likely. A life in LA means being pursued by paparazzi wherever we go. Plus, he has a support system with his family back home.
He could stay until the Fandom finale, but that will only drag out our heartache. Seeing him every day, knowing our time is running out, wouldn’t sit well with me.
He should stay so I don’t reach for a bottle. Yeah, really healthy, Denny.
Mason’s only been here a short time, but I don’t remember how I ever did this being famous thing without him. For over two years I’ve been floundering while trying to keep my head above water. Mason lifts me up in so many ways. I’m more confident around him. I’m optimistic. And watching him come back from practically nothing to being in the tabloids again, while a pain in the ass for us, it gave me hope that if Fandom was a huge mistake and my career takes a hit, finding the next big thing could put me back on top.