Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 60864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
It left me feeling drained, so after saying goodbye to Ally, who was very sweet, and brushing past Ally’s boss, Derek, who was clearly a dick, I headed directly back to my rental room. I dropped down onto the bed and closed my eyes to take a bit of a rest and recharge.
It was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t a part of whatever job I was doing at the time. That was what made up virtually all of my interactions lately. The only people I had anything to do with were my coworkers. Maybe a few customers who came in regularly and liked to chat, so I exchanged a few words with them as I poured their coffee and served up the same food they always ordered. And some who liked to flirt, so I ignored them and pretended I didn’t see what they were doing.
For the most part, they were the same conversations every day. It was nice changing things up a bit. Sitting with Ally and just talking, having a real conversation and remembering what it was like to get to know a person again. But now that I was back home, I had to remind myself I couldn’t get complacent. I couldn’t let myself feel like my life was normal or that it ever would be.
I was just about as far from Newport, Rhode Island, as I could be, but in so many ways, that didn’t really matter. As long as there was technology, I couldn’t ever feel like I was far enough away. If my parents and brother were still actively looking for me, I didn’t have the time to get too comfortable.
That thought kept me from drifting off, and eventually I had to get up and open my computer. The machine was nothing short of aged when it came to computers, and its end was clearly drawing near. It seemed to take longer to boot up each time, and I had the sinking feeling that one of these times I was going to go to start it up and it would just stay black.
But until that day came, I would continue to rely on it to give me a glimpse back at my old life and see if they had finally put me aside and forgotten me. That day was exactly like every other time I went through the different sites. They were still looking. Still searching. Still pleading to people to help them find me.
Anyone reading the messages and comments would probably hurt for them. Their hearts would ache for the poor family with the daughter who disappeared and who they missed so much. They would want to help in any way they could.
What they didn’t know was none of that sad, desperate emotion was actually real. They didn’t miss me. Or at least they didn’t miss me as a person. They might have missed having me around to tell what to do and attempt to use as leverage. In the end, they weren’t looking for me because they loved me and wanted me back. They only wanted to find me because they wanted something out of me, something I wouldn’t let them take.
Now that I’d gotten that confirmation for another day, I was able to close my eyes and take a nap. Sleeping through the night was a thing of the past, so catching little bits of rest when I could was what kept me on my feet.
I woke up later when the shadows were already long across the floor, and I had that strange, groggy feeling that came from my body not really knowing what time it was. I got out of bed and scrounged around for whatever food I had in the room. Not having an actual kitchen put a bit of a damper on my food options.
There was a shared kitchen I could use, but the thought of that didn’t really appeal to me. I didn’t know the other people living around me. Preparing my meals alongside them or trying to sit at one of the communal tables to eat didn’t seem like the best opportunity to strike up friendship. Instead, I survived primarily on food I either ate at the diner or brought home at the end of my shift, along with supplemental nonperishables I kept in the various nooks, crannies, and corners of my room.
As I was eating my cobbled-together meal, I realized my thoughts were wandering back to Ally and her daughter, Bella. She’d told me so much about her while we were eating lunch, and it gave me a flicker of maternal wondering. I didn’t know if I would go straight to thinking I absolutely wanted children and definitely wouldn’t say hearing about her gave me any kind of baby fever. But it brought up questions.