Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 115468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
What the actual hell was my sister going on about? “Lexi, whatever you’re trying to say, just spit it out.”
She raised her hands and then dropped them. “An engagement to Blakely, Gage? Really? A woman you’ve never treated as anything other than a sister because it’s obvious that’s the only way you see her? In an effort to move on from her heartbreak, she came up with this? And then she pushed you into it because she knows your weak spots. Not to mention that low-down move at your party.” She set her hands on her hips. “It might have actually worked under different circumstances,” she murmured. “Jesus, I’m annoyed with the both of you.”
“I made it clear that I never agreed to an engagement.” I’d spoken to Blakely and her mom who had both apologized for attempting to force the issue with that false announcement. “But, initially, she didn’t push me into thinking about it…and it wasn’t the worst idea,” I muttered, because my sister was looking at me like I was something she’d found on the bottom of her shoe and I felt the need to defend myself. “Marriages have been built on less.”
She slammed her hand down on the counter, making me startle and slosh coffee onto my half-eaten eggs. “Is that what you think you deserve, you imbecile? A marriage of convenience that will never be anything more? I can’t believe you even considered the proposal for a hot minute. Of course you’d come to care for Blakely—you already do. But you were willing to accept a life lacking in passion?” She shook her head, looking heavenward. “God, why am I even asking? You’ve already accepted that.” She paused, watching me for a moment. “Who are you, Gage? What sets your soul on fire? I’d really like to know. And I’m sorry Dad never asked you that question, never encouraged you to find yourself. He tried to create a clone of himself, and he succeeded, not because he’s a bad person, but because he clawed and fought for everything he had all his life, and he turned that ambition on you too. And you, so eager to please, so kind and generous and good at everything you do, you went along with it out of love and out of duty. But Gage…the world needs you. The people who love you want you, whether or not they know it yet. Fight for yourself first, and then fight for the life you want. Fight for the people you want in it. I’m pretty damn sure there’s one in particular.”
I let out a loud whoosh of breath, overcome by the ball of emotion that had made its way up my throat at her words. God, Rory had said something similar to me but she’d said it with understanding because she felt duty-bound too.
Lexi was right. Maybe I didn’t fight for the things I wanted because I was still able to have a small portion of them. I’d made due with scraps, giving most of myself to others and suppressing my strongest desires. But I couldn’t do that with Rory. I wanted all of her, every imperfect bit. But I knew that I owed it to her to give all of myself as well. And if I was going to do that, it meant acknowledging my dreams and trying my best to live them.
“If I do, it’ll kill Dad,” I said on an exhale, the words streaming together.
Lexi watched me for a second and I saw the empathy in her eyes. “You underestimate him. Dad pulled himself out of squalor with nothing more than a library card and the grit of a thousand men. He forged his own path and he can handle you choosing your own for once as well. He can adjust his sails. If given time, I know he can. And even if he can’t, you get to be more than Dad’s legacy, Gage. Your happiness matters too.”
I leaned back in the stool and clasped my hands behind my neck as I considered my sister. Perhaps I’d underestimated my father, but I’d definitely underestimated her. I’d thought of her as flighty, someone to write off because she was doing something I considered whimsical and unnecessary. But who was I to say whose dream was irrelevant? She was out living her life in the way she wanted to live it while I was accepting an existence where, most of the time, I felt cooped up in a Gage-shaped mold of other people’s construction. I didn’t fit in it, and I didn’t want to. Not anymore. “Most of my life, I’ve done things for other people,” I said, the words gritty, scraping past my throat because even now, I was afraid to say them. “I was never scared to lose because I wasn’t attached to the outcome—it wasn’t mine. But now,” I released another pent-up breath, “I want her for me. I’m all in. Every piece of my heart and soul, and I don’t know how to lose because I’ve never experienced it before. I’m so scared,” I admitted to my sister.