Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
He swipes them away. “Let me finish.”
“Finish ripping my heart out? Look I knew this was going to happen. I just, I just wasn’t prepared, I told myself I was, I just need to breathe a bit, oh it’s nice, very nice fresh air.” I inhale twice and nearly pass out. “See? I’m fine, just—” I almost suck in a bug. “Great! See? Great, what were you saying?”
“I’m willing to walk away if this bothers you, if it breaks you, my past. I’m willing to walk away, no questions asked, I’m willing to be strong and not fail myself or you again. I don’t want secrets between us, so I’m letting you know now, that I need you to not say it’s okay if it’s not, I need you to just tell me your truth after I tell you mine.”
“You’re scaring me.” I sit back down on the bench. He sits next to me and reaches for my hand like it’s the last time he’ll be touching it, he rubs his thumb back and forth. “My parents’ divorce was expected, but what wasn’t expected was me getting sick.”
I freeze. “What kind of sick?”
He’s still not looking at me, but he is rubbing my hand. “I got Leukemia. My dad’s a doctor, and they were able to try an extremely aggressive chemo, but there were… side effects of the drugs they gave me at such a young age. I mean I was only fourteen.”
My eyes fill with tears. “Is that why you—”
“Honestly, Scarlett, I wanted to leave everything behind, but I did really lose your messenger account, and I was so out of it with the drugs that by the time I was able to even really focus a few weeks later, I searched everywhere for it. My dad had gone through my things trying to help. I’m pretty sure he threw out anything he saw as random scraps of paper or trash.”
I close my eyes. All this time. All this resentment. And he was sick. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I really am.”
He finally glances to his right, briefly making eye contact with me, his lips drawn up into a sexy smile. “Don’t be, I had the sexiest nurse treating me every day.”
“You are literally asking to be hit right now.”
His laughter is better than a hit. He kisses my hand. “Sorry, you just left the perfect opening in a really sad moment, so I had to take my chances.”
“I’ll give you the free pass.”
He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it again. “Good.”
I’m going to savor those small kisses for the rest of my life. The way his soft lips touch my skin, the feeling of knowing he means each and every one.
“So.” He bites down on his lower lip, frowns, then fully turns toward me. “A side effect of the chemo was that when I was cancer-free and fully healed, we found out I was…” He looks away from me. “We found out that I would be sterile the rest of my life.”
My stomach drops to my knees. “What?”
“I know, I know, and I kept it from Cassidy because her only dream was to be a mom. I just kept telling myself that it would be okay, we could adopt, it would be fine, my career was taking off and the busier I got the more I stopped wanting to tell her, which was selfish but she was by my side and I was afraid if I did say something she’d leave. One month her period was late, and she was so damn excited, she took a pregnancy test and like a fucking asshole I drove her to the stupid store and let her believe it could be true. I think the worst part is that when it was negative, I was like oh good at least she’s not cheating. I mean how horrible of a human being can you be? Really? I was young and stupid, but that’s no excuse. She cried that night, and when I told her that it was fine, that if we couldn’t get pregnant, we’d just adopt or foster, she looked up at me like I’d just killed parts of her soul. She said she wanted to carry a baby, she’d always wanted to carry a baby. Just like it was my dream to sing, hers had always been to carry her own child.” Tears flow down my face. “The band got more and more famous, and she was on the road with us a lot. She ended up getting extremely close with one of my bandmates, Hudson. It made me jealous. I was the lead singer, he was one of the main dancers and did mostly backup so he had more time on his hands. They started going out on excursions, and while I didn’t care, part of me did, because he could give her what I couldn’t.”