Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88849 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88849 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
I had no words. There was nothing to say. Unprecedented grief sat on my chest. Aumae sacrificed herself for me. I’d never been loved like that, but my eyes fell on Kellan. That wasn’t true. I had been loved like that, since I was six years old when Kellan saved me from his father, saying, “Dad, let her go.”
Kellan took out the same knife he’d held to Damien’s throat and laid it against my father’s. I held my father’s gaze for just a moment. There was no sadness or regret there. I thought there might be. There was just anger, and without a word, Kellan moved his hand—and I turned. I didn’t have to see my father die to know I was freed.
Finally.
We went to the sanctuary house again.
We stayed for a long time. I’d like to give a certain amount of days, or weeks, or months, but the truth was that I lost count. I didn’t know if Damien would want to come with us, but he did. He admitted one night when all three of us had too much to drink that he wasn’t ready to see his family again. He was ashamed of what he did to us, even though he helped make up for it. I was fairly certain that Damien blamed himself for Aumae’s death, but that was ridiculous.
It was my fault.
I should’ve realized how powerful my father was. I should’ve known our first plan wouldn’t be enough. But I hadn’t. I went there that day filled with arrogance that we would defeat Sachiel. Aumae paid the price. I held that belief in my heart for so long, until Kellan realized I blamed myself.
He kissed me in the shower, whispering, “She knew.” A kiss to the corner of my mouth.
I shook my head, but he said again, “She went that day knowing.”
No. I wouldn’t let him make me feel better about this.
He kissed my cheek, sliding his mouth to my throat. “She knew your father. We didn’t.”
“Damien did.”
“Damien’s an idiot.” His hand trailed down my back, curving into my waist. He trailed kisses down my arm. “Aumae loved you.”
I choked out a sob. That was the problem.
“She was here to protect you.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes open. His kisses were becoming intoxicating, and I leaned back against the wall, my hands moving to his hair as he knelt before me. He kissed my stomach, his hands framing my hips, holding me steady in front of him.
He said, “It was her decision.”
It should’ve been mine.
He stood and caught my face in his hands. He leaned over me, lifting my head so I had to look up at him. I still refused, closing my eyes. “Look at me.”
I didn’t.
“Shay.”
I did then, but I couldn’t hide the agony in me. I knew he was feeling it, like he’d been feeling my guilt since Aumae died. It’d been there, always inside of me, but I refused to put it in words. I refused to say anything because once I did, I knew what he would do. He would do this. Making me accept her passing. Making me accept her sacrifice, and thinking that, tears slipped out. They trailed down my face, camouflaged by the water in the shower.
My throat felt like it was rubbed raw on the inside. “She died because of me. She was the one good thing about all of this.”
The corner of his mouth lifted up. “What about me?”
I corrected, reaching out to rest a hand on his chest, “She was the second good thing that happened because of all this.”
“She loved you, but it was her decision. It wasn’t yours. You have to see that. She made the choice. She could’ve told us our plan wouldn’t work. She didn’t. She could’ve told us what she was planning. She didn’t. She chose, Shay. She did. She didn’t give you the choice. Do you get that?” He was whispering those words, his eyes searching mine, and I could feel his love. It was so strong, so powerful. It wanted to slip inside of me, warming all the pain I held, but I couldn’t let it. Not with this.
I shook my head. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did this happen? Why now? Why not later when I was more powerful?”
He shook his head and pulled me into him. His hand cradled the back of my head, and I slid my arms around him. I hung onto him. He said, his words muffled against my hair as his head rested on top of mine, “I don’t know. We may never know.”
“But you have a guess?”
He stiffened, then relaxed as he answered, “Your powers were too strong for you to suppress. You couldn’t deny them any longer. If I were to guess, it’d be because of that. He wanted to get your powers before you were too powerful, and maybe you would’ve been able to fight him off. I don’t know, though. I don’t know if we’ll ever know.”