Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
“Other than try to wake up from this nightmare? I guess it won’t matter soon anyway. Once you move in with Jared, I won’t have a reason to be at the house. I’ll avoid, avoid, avoid, and let them live happily ever after.” How can the twist of a metaphorical knife in the gut hurt so fucking much? When I press my hand to my stomach, I half expect to feel the sticky heat of blood.
“This is your Savvy.” Rose leans across the table. “You need to tell her how you feel. At least let her make an informed decision.”
“She’s already wearing his ring. It’s a little late for confessions of the heart.” I shake my head, trying to chase away the hope my sister is trying to plant there. “Shouldn’t you be looking out for Alec? Doesn’t he love her too?” That’s easy enough to admit to myself. Alec loves Savvy. Of course he does. She’s so fucking easy to love.
But it’s the other side of it that hurts too much to swallow. Savvy loves my brother. Loves him enough to marry him, even knowing his connection to me.
“It’s different,” Rose says softly. “Alec loves her, and if this were anyone else, I’d tell you to back off. But this isn’t just anyone. This is Savvy. You loved her on another level. There are people we love and then there are the people who are stitched into our hearts. You left half of yours behind when you left her.”
I snatch the champagne from the bucket and fill my glass.
Rose grins. “You really do still love her.”
“What?”
“That terror that you’re feeling? I call that love holding its breath. It’s exactly how I felt when I realized I was actually falling for Jared when my life plans very clearly had me staying single until my forties.”
“Love holding its breath, huh?” Sounds like something her therapist told her.
“Yes, and you can continue to deprive it oxygen or you can release it.” She shrugs. “The question is whether you’re willing to get hurt again for nothing but the chance to tell her how you really feel.”
“I told her today when she ripped my head off for trying to fuck things up with Alec.”
Rose arches a brow. “And by told her you mean you used your words and explained exactly how much she means to you? Explained that you left town and never even tried to apologize for your jackassery because you have more baggage than a 727? Explained that you never told her all your ugly truths because you didn’t believe she could love you if she knew?”
I set my jaw and shoo away a pigeon looking for scraps at my feet. “I mean that I told her I hated imagining my brother’s hands on her but that I knew she deserved better than me anyway.”
Rose scoffs. “Really? I pulled all my strings to get you into the best therapist in New York, and you’re still going to come at me with I don’t deserve her? Nancy would drop your ass if she knew.”
She’s not wrong. It’s something I’ve worked on a lot over the years. Rose talked me into it. She said I needed to be ready to “receive love” next time it came along. But most days, I think Savvy was it for me. I don’t know how to move past feelings as big as those.
I blow out a breath. “I don’t even know how to make her talk to me.”
Rose studies me for a long time. “You could come to my wedding.”
“You really want that drama there on your day?”
She rolls her eyes. “First of all, it was never going to be my day. Jared and I eloped last month—we had our day then.”
I set down my glass. “Keeping secrets, sister?”
She scoffs. “I told you I was going to.”
“I thought you were joking. Letting off steam because Cruella was ruining your wedding-planning fun.”
“Nope. I was serious, and I’m glad we did it. This whole ceremony thing is for Mom. I’m not inviting you to make drama. No fighting with Alec and no public declarations of loving your brother’s fiancée. I only mean that if you’re there, you can find a moment to pull her aside. If this is your only chance to set the record straight with Savvy, you should take it.”
I stare at the bubbles floating to the top of my glass. “What if I tell her how I feel and she still marries him?”
“Then at least you’ll have avoided a much worse fate.”
My stomach clenches. “What’s worse than that?”
“Her marrying him without you ever telling her how you feel.”
SAVVY
I’m a wreck on the way to the airport and all the way through security. Seeing Oliver again—and for more than a five-minute porch conversation—sent me back in time. It’s been so long, and I don’t understand how walking away can still hurt so much.