Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 59119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 296(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 296(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
I guessed he was right. We were different.
Either way, the confidence he exuded in the field didn’t exist to the same degree in his personal life. At least in the beginning. I didn’t know about down the road.
Adrien and I didn’t have a down the road.
Did we?
No. That was fucking insane.
It was insane to even think in those terms. Hell, it was embarrassing. Thousands of miles away from here, Madison was pregnant and alone. My boss was searching desperately for his niece. Javier was ready to murder the world to bring back his wife. And I was here…
I swallowed hard and looked down.
The fuck was wrong with me? I was a disgrace.
I plastered a smirk on my face and met Adrien’s gaze once more. “And you don’t need a young punk who doesn’t do relationships.” It was a punch in the gut to see a faint light snuff out in his eyes, so I opened the floodgates in a split-second decision I just might come to regret. “If you listen to my exes, I’m not worth the hassle anyway. There aren’t many of them, but they were pretty vocal.” I cleared my throat, embarrassed on another level now. “I don’t remember important dates, I’m gone too much—you know, work. Before, it was deployments. I re-upped every chance I got. So I get it. But even now, like, I work all the time. I think I’m a bit damaged too, you know. Up here.” I tapped my temple. Why the fuck had I opened my mouth? I hadn’t told anyone about this.
Furthermore, it wasn’t like Adrien wanted something serious with me. We didn’t know each other. He just… He preferred to begin in another way. Or so I guessed. As in, go on a date or…yeah.
My fucking God, I’d never felt this awkward. I didn’t do awkward.
Adrien furrowed his brow. “I—I apologize, I didn’t ask for an explanation, but what on earth do you mean by damaged?”
I didn’t wanna say, okay? It was mortifying.
And yet, I was gonna blurt it out anyway, because I didn’t want him to think I was shooting him down, even if it was just a dinner. It wasn’t about him.
“I’ve never been in love, that’s all.” I tried to play it cool and just shrugged. “I don’t think I’m capable. I grew up surrounded by so-called relationship goals, and I never felt anything like what they feel.”
He didn’t look any less confused. “You don’t think it’s just a matter of not having met the right person?”
“At this rate…?” I lifted my brows. “It’s not like I haven’t tried. With both women and men. But if the connection ain’t there, I can’t force it. So I become sort of aloof, I guess.”
For some reason, that made him smile in a way that was almost belittling. “Crew, that’s not on you. You said it yourself—you can’t force a connection. Nobody can. But I’m confident that once you meet that person, you’ll find yourself very much capable of loving them.”
I snorted, having heard that so many times before. While I hadn’t been so open about this with anyone in the past, I had warned people that I didn’t connect with others on that level easily. And they all saw it as a challenge. They thought they could be the one who changed that.
“Words spoken by most of my former partners,” I said. And it was bizarre because I wasn’t exactly a grand prize. I wasn’t a genius, I wasn’t making bank, I wasn’t particularly interested in having kids…
He smirked a little. “The difference between them and me is that I live in the real world. Just because I’m inexplicably drawn to you doesn’t mean I see a future there. Our age difference is quite significant, we both have jobs that more or less own us, my free time—of which there will be much more once I retire—goes to my son, and my old man, for that matter, and you… I can only imagine you barhopping in between work assignments to scratch an itch.”
Okay. First of all, harsh. That one stung.
Why did it suddenly feel like I was the one being rejected?
Shoot me.
This was bonkers. We shouldn’t be talking about any of this, because in a matter of days—I prayed it wasn’t more than that—I’d be reunited with my team, and I’d never see Adrien again.
“We’re in agreement, then.” I scratched the side of my head and pushed my unease to a remote corner of my brain. Or chest. It was in my chest I felt all weird. “Can we discuss something more important now—like when I’m getting off this damn yacht? Because if you’re not gonna help me take down Carillo, I would like to get the fuck away from here so I can be useful to my team members.”