Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 111685 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111685 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
My body was craving him.
My heart was aching for him.
But my pride, yeah, that was raging. It was like in high school when he walked past me in the hallways because I wasn’t good enough for him. Seeing his parents, him, serving them, old fucking times.
“You don’t get the right to sit up on your high horse and judge me on the ground. You don’t get that right, Mr. I’m So Fucking Talented and I have the whole fucking world at my feet. Mr. My parents’ marriage might be a sham and unhappy, but we got a house and we got land and we got money to insure we never have to go cold or hungry. You don’t have that right because you might have shitty parents, but you still have paren—”
His lips were on mine.
God.
I folded. My knees dipped. My arms wrapped around him.
I gave in, for three seconds.
One. Two. Three. So fucking heavenly, and I could’ve died and felt satisfied with life, but it was just for three seconds and then reality set in and I shoved him back.
“Get off of me!”
He was right back, his hands in fists, hitting the building beside me. He snarled, “Why? Goddammit, tell me why. One fucking good reason!”
“Because you’re not the long game.”
He flinched, as if I’d slapped him.
And to hell with it. “Because I could fall in love with you, and I know that you don’t love me. You’ll never love me. I’m a body you think fondly of, and if you care anything about me, give me that much honesty.”
He turned his head, that jaw clenching over and over again. His hands were still in fists beside me, but he wouldn’t look at me.
That. Right there. That was the truth for me.
Every word I said was real. I didn’t have to play the guessing game anymore. I didn’t need to torment myself because it was all the truth.
I spoke another truth, one I needed from him. “Let me hate you.”
A second flinch. He sucked in his breath, and his eyes closed. His head reared back.
I had to hate him. Maybe it’s why I hated him all those years before, because I had to, because if I didn’t there was just the vast hole of his rejection.
A part of me was waiting for his response, and I hated that, too.
Hated that I still needed his acceptance, that I couldn’t just walk away.
I wanted his rejection.
I was praying for it.
I could muster the strength and keep going.
I needed his rejection, because then I could walk away, once and for all.
“I served your mom today.”
He tensed, but looked at me. A wall came down over his face.
My words were soft but chiding. He knew what was coming wasn’t going to be pleasant. It wasn’t going to be healing. Oh, no. He knew. He knew what was coming next would make him hate me. Oh, yes. We were going back there.
If he wasn’t all in, then he was all out, and I was going to fucking shove him all the way out.
I was going to make him hate me.
I was going to make us enemies, once and for all.
I pushed off from the wall, an inch between us, and I taunted him with my words, “You said you didn’t look hard enough, but she did.” I raised an eyebrow. “She looked me in the face. She looked me in the eye. She saw my hair, and guess what her reaction was? She was disgusted by me.”
He drew in a shuddering breath. His head lowered, his eyes were closing.
I was right there, right in his face. “I was beneath her. I was the dirt under her shoes, the dust on her expensive furniture, and you know what’s funny? I’m so used to it, that’s what I prefer now. I can’t remember when she tried to teach us to cook. I don’t remember that woman anymore.”
“Dust.” A low warning from him.
I didn’t care. My breath was on him. I knew it was and I was doing everything I could to make him snap. “That woman back then, she hadn’t been the waste of space that she’s become now. Does she even mother you? Is she proud of you? Does she see a trophy son? Are you the reason she stays in their pathetic marriage? Drinking. Driving drunk. Lying about it. That’s just the stuff she did to destroy my family, what’d she do to destroy yours?”
His hand flashed out, wrapping around the back of my neck. “Stop it.”
I laughed, knowing I had the upper hand. “I haven’t even started.”
I felt how cruel my smile was. Good.
I was going to torture him. I would haunt him. I would say the words that he only thought, but never wanted to hear out loud. I would give him that gift, and he would goddamn loathe me for it.