Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 85888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 429(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 429(@200wpm)___ 344(@250wpm)___ 286(@300wpm)
“Fighting it hasn’t worked. Staying away didn’t help either. And neither of us wants to do that long-term anyway.” He nodded to himself. “We’re just going to have to date.”
“Um, date?”
“Yeah.”
My laughter was brittle. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No. No, you don’t. In fact, I don’t think you’re quite seeing this situation clearly. Do you really want to break the bro code and have to tell your bestie that you and I are...doing something vaguely romantic and sometimes sexual together?”
He sat back in the chair with his ankle propped on his knee. Totally at ease for some damn reason. “I think we’re past worrying about that, don’t you?”
“He’s not going to like it.”
“He’ll get used to it.”
“And I don’t want to be around him. Ever.”
“I understand,” he said in a gentle tone. One that kind of killed me. “Susie, is this your not-so-subtle way of telling me you don’t want to date me?”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Can I ask why not?”
“You’d get tired of me. What comes out of my mouth would cease to be charming. Trust me. Been there, done that. And let’s be realistic. We can’t even maintain a friendship for more than a few days at a time without something going wrong. With everything that’s already happened this year I just... I can’t.” I picked at the seam of my jeans and avoided eye contact. “I know the mystery divorce certificate makes things weird, but I still maintain that we’re better off as we are.”
He said nothing for a while. Not meeting his gaze had been the right choice. Because when I did, there was a softness there that was devastating. “He really shook your confidence, didn’t he?”
I shrugged.
“You really don’t want anything to change?”
“Well. I mean...sex would be nice.”
His brows rose. “Sex?”
“Oh, come on. This cannot be that big of a surprise. We’ve been lusting after each other for weeks. I’d say we’re both due a little relief.”
“Okay.” He scratched at his long stubble. His expression now seemed to be a cross between confusion and consternation. Still handsome as fuck, however. “Let me check I understand what’s happening here. I suggested we date and you counteroffered with no-strings sex.”
“That’s right.”
“Because you don’t believe a relationship between us stands a chance.”
I nodded. “Basically. You think that a relationship between us is inevitable. I think that under the current circumstances a brief and bad relationship between us is inevitable.”
“Can I think about it?”
“Take all the time you need.” I watched him with interest. “You’re not used to getting turned down, are you, Lars?”
“I’m really not,” he agreed.
“Think of it as a growth experience.”
“Right.” His smile was bemused as he rose from the couch. “We were supposed to be doing TV and ice cream.”
“You still want to do that?”
“Absolutely. Friend.”
* * *
Patience was not my strong suit, but Lars was worth the agitation. My reasons for not falling headfirst into a romantic relationship with him made sense to me. You didn’t just snap out of sorrow and rejection. And emotionally I still felt shaky. Me and my poor delicate feelings. But the Ex had fed my doubts and insecurities every step of the way. The loss of Aunt Susan also remained brutal at times. How shockingly sudden her death had been. Then there was the whole inevitable thing. Like the man was giving in when he offered to go out with me. Did he really want to date me or had those papers worn him down?
There was no way to be sure.
Friday evening I attended a period-proof-underwear launch downtown for work. It was a huge success and finished at around nine. Lars had invited me for drinks at a bar a few blocks from the Fremont Troll, but I turned him down, thinking the work event was going to go later. However, I was feeling myself since my slick side-part hair had worked out and the bar was sort of on my way home, so why not?
The magnitude of my mistake was soon made clear.
“Susie,” said Aaron, standing tall with a pool cue in his hand. His usual sneer was soon replaced with a careful blank expression. No sign of his fiancée. I found it interesting that I’d been deemed acceptable enough to date for a year. But having the audacity not to disappear once he dismissed me was obviously the ultimate insult in his eyes. Men who put women into neat little boxes were the worst. As if we could only play certain parts and had no destiny of our own. Like if we weren’t an adjunct to them then we weren’t real people.
Mateo and his partner, James, were sitting on stools waiting for their turn at the pool table. They gave me a smile and I raised my hand in greeting. I don’t think they had much time for Aaron either. At least, they seemed to be giving him a wide berth.