Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 66387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 332(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 332(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
“She pawned all of it.” Christian’s eyes widen in surprise. “I know I should have told you. She couldn’t hang on to money, you know that.”
“So there’s nothing of sentimental value here?” Sebastian asks. I can’t help but acknowledge how damn incredible the man is. We’re standing in a shit hole, surrounded by blood stains from where she died, her filth, her mess, and it’s as though he’s not even affected by any of it.
“No,” I confirm.
“Wait,” Jenna says, “I saw a box in the hallway marked: pictures. You might want to take that.”
“I’ll have it shipped to Montana,” Christian says with a nod. “And I’ll hire a team to go through the house. Anything of sentimental value like that will be sent to us. Everything else will be donated or trashed.”
Christian is carrying a small purple velvet bag that contains her remains. They’re in a plastic box.
We opted out of the urn since we planned to bring her immediately here.
“Should we go outside?” he asks.
“Yes.” I nod and follow him out onto the deck and down the steps to the beach below. It’s nice just to breathe some fresh air. If I can help it, I’ll never step foot back in that house.
We’re definitely not alone on the beach, but this isn’t a popular spot for recreation, especially not this early in the day, so we’re not fighting any of the crowds common on the beach in southern California.
We all kick off our shoes and walk down the warm sand to where the surf kisses the shoreline.
“We’re here to say goodbye to our mother, Karen Jean Wolfe,” Christian begins, speaking loudly enough for us to hear him over the ocean breeze and the waves. “She was a complicated woman. I hope that after so many years of discontent, she’s resting peacefully in the afterlife.”
He turns to me. “Would you like to say anything?”
I look out on the horizon where a sailboat is drifting past. Do I have anything to say about my mother? I probably have too much to say. And not much of it is nice.
So I just shake my head no and hold onto Sebastian’s hand with all my might.
Christian opens the box and shakes the ashes out onto the sand. We watch as the water washes over them, sweeping them out to sea.
And just like that, my mother is gone.
***
“I hate watching you struggle like this.”
Sebastian’s voice is a whisper in the night. We’re lying in bed in Christian’s house, and neither of us has slept. I feel him turn onto his side so he can watch me in the moonlight.
“Your skin is beautiful under a full moon. Have I ever told you that?”
“I don’t think so.” I turn to face him. We’re hugging our pillows, watching each other. Only our legs touch, tangled together under the covers. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me over the past couple of days.”
“I haven’t done anything.” I hear the frustration in his voice. “All I’ve done is be with you, but I haven’t been able to help you feel better, or solve anything.”
“There’s nothing to solve.” I offer him a small smile. “And you being here is the best thing you could do for me. I would have been an even bigger mess without you.”
He reaches out and drags his fingertips down my cheek. “You still look like you’re torturing yourself. Her death wasn’t your fault, Nina. The doctor said so himself.”
“I know. But I still feel guilty.”
“Why?”
“Because we stood out there today and dumped her ashes into the ocean, and I couldn’t even come up with one nice thing to say about her. Not one, Sebastian. I should have said something in that moment. I regret not doing it.”
He pulls back, stands up from the bed, and pulls me up with him. “Then let’s go.”
“What?”
He pulls on some pants and a T-shirt and then tosses the sundress I wore earlier at me. “Let’s go back so you can say something.”
“It’s three in the morning.”
“So?”
I blink at him. “So…we’ll have to wake up Nick and Liam. That doesn’t seem fair.”
“They make a bleeding fuck ton of money to go where and when I tell them to, darling. Trust me, they’ll be fine.”
And then he’s gone, out of the guest room to knock on Liam’s door.
I hear them murmuring as I pull on my dress and slip into my sandals.
“Let’s go,” Sebastian says when he returns.
There’s not much traffic to speak of at three a.m., so getting back to Mom’s house doesn’t take long. We avoid walking through the house by instead walking on a path that runs beside the building and down some steps to the beach below.
Nick and Liam both carry flashlights, illuminating our way down to the water. They hang back, just as they had this morning, and wait for us.