Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 66387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 332(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 332(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
I nod in agreement, feel both him and Jenna kiss my cheek, and then Sebastian and I are alone.
He carries me into the bedroom and lays me on the bed, then crawls up next to me and pulls me into his arms once again.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” I say between hiccups. “It’s silly.”
“Your mum died, darling,” he reminds me. “Of course, you’re crying.”
“But I don’t think I’m crying because I’m sad.” It’s a whisper. “I’m so ashamed, Sebastian. I don’t know what I’m feeling.”
“Talk it out.” He passes me a tissue. “I’m not going anywhere. Lean on me, love.”
Love. God, I’m falling in love with him, and I can’t. I’m not supposed to feel this deeply for him.
I’m just a whole mess of feelings.
“Of course, it’s horrible that she died,” I begin. “And I am sad that she’s gone. But at the same time, I feel relieved, and so guilty that I feel that way.”
“Why do you think you feel relieved?”
I don’t want to answer him. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.” He tilts up my chin so he can look me in the eyes. “You’re safe here, Nina.”
“Because now I don’t have to worry about her anymore,” I blurt in horror. “She was so hard. And unkind. And I hated what she did to Christian. But I felt obligated to have some sort of relationship with her, and now I don’t have to do that anymore.”
I bury my face in his chest and cry some more. For the girl who never had a mother she could depend on and look up to. For Christian, who was so hurt by the woman who gave birth to him.
And for myself, the woman who won’t have a relationship with her mother. Mom won’t be here if I have children. She didn’t even come to my wedding. And the worst part? I didn’t want her there because she had a habit of embarrassing me and she wasn’t a nice person.
Sebastian doesn’t try to tell me that I shouldn’t feel this way. He doesn’t try to cheer me up. He simply lays with me, rubbing circles on my back and kissing my hair.
I feel loved. Supported. Cared for.
And it scares me. Because it’s not forever. Someday soon, it’ll be gone.
Don’t learn to depend on this, Nina.
***
We’ve been in the air for forty minutes. Christian, Jenna, Sebastian, and I are in plush seats, sitting across from each other. Liam and Nick are in the back of the plane, murmuring to each other.
Most likely figuring out security for once we land.
“I just thought of something,” I announce. “Where are we going to bury her?”
Jenna frowns and looks at her husband.
“She doesn’t have any other family. We’re never in California unless you’re there for work,” I continue. “It doesn’t make sense to take her to Montana. She never set foot in the state.”
“We’ll have her cremated,” Christian says softly.
“I know this makes me a raging bitch, but I do not want her on my mantel.” I shake my head adamantly. “No way. I mean, do you? That’s just creepy.”
“No mantel sitting,” Christian agrees with a small smile. “I was thinking we’d spread her ashes in the ocean, in front of her house. That was her favorite place anyway.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.”
I take a deep breath and lean my head on Sebastian’s shoulder.
“Did she have a will?” Sebastian asks.
“Not that we know of,” Christian answers. “I own her house. I bought it for her about ten years ago after she went bankrupt and was going to have to live on the streets.”
Jenna links her fingers with Christian’s in support.
“I’m sorry.” I feel my eyes filling with tears again. It’s a miracle I can even see today, they’re so puffy and red from crying on and off most of the night. “I’m so sorry for everything she put you through. And despite stealing from you and wasting millions, you still made sure she was taken care of.”
“It’s easy to do when you can throw money at a problem,” he says with a shrug. “You’re the one who had to listen to her. To check in on her. What you did was way more difficult.”
“I think you were both making the best out of a challenging situation,” Jenna says.
“I agree,” Sebastian adds. “You were both loyal to her, in your own ways, despite her being hard to deal with.”
“We’re not perfect,” I mutter. “And she reminded me of that often.”
“She can’t hurt us anymore,” Christian reminds me.
“I think she loved us, in the only way she could.”
“I don’t,” he says. “She chose the way she behaved. Her need for attention and fame in her own right overtook her instincts as a parent, and it cost her the love of both of her children.”
“And isn’t that a shame?” Sebastian says softly. “Because she lost out on two wonderful people.”