Total pages in book: 161
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
No matter what the cost.
It was then I realized I didn’t fit into Amari’s life. Knowing I could bring danger into the lives of the only family members I had left, was too much for me to bear.
I stayed away to keep them safe.
My feet moved on their accord toward the wet bar in the corner of my office, downing the amber liquid without thinking twice about it. No glass needed. Bringing the bottle away from my mouth, I hurled it across the room. Watching as it shattered against the wall, falling into shards on the hardwood floor. My stomach churned and my mind reeled. My body couldn’t move fast enough around the room, pushing over everything that was in my immediate sight. Throwing and swinging at anything I could find, screaming at the top of my lungs over and over again, until my throat burned raw. And my chest heaved.
Seconds, minutes, hours later, everything blended together, and I just stood there taking in the results of my destruction. My body propelled itself upward while panting and heaving, every breath harder to take than the one before.
How did this fucking happen?
I was supposed to protect her.
Beating myself up inside.
I blinked and I was sitting in my airplane, flying toward Washington. Contemplating my life.
I’ve killed.
I’ve tortured.
Innocent lives had paid the price. My price. Just to prove a fucking point, to rise above everyone and everything. Even God wasn't safe from me. I was a ruthless motherfucker who didn’t take no for an answer. No one crossed me and lived to tell the tale. I had no respect or loyalty to anyone but myself.
Not once did I ever think about the pain I was inflicting. The consequences of my actions would be the biggest regrets of my life.
Everything progressed in slow motion, seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. The ding to my voicemail broke the silence around me. The screen lit up as it had for the past two days. Notifying me I had one missed call and one unheard voicemail that stuck out from all the rest.
My sister’s.
I wasn’t sure what I felt at that moment, fear maybe, panic, confusion. Remembering I hit ignore to Amari’s phone call two days ago, always too busy to take a few minutes out of my fucked up life to talk to her. My adrenaline was racing, my body felt stiff, and my hands were shaking. I suddenly felt bile rising in my throat, and fought back the urge to heave.
Taking a few deep breaths, I hit the voicemail button, deleting message after message until I got to hers.
“Shit! Oh, crap, Daisy, don’t repeat that,” Amari’s voice filled the air. “I didn’t mean to call you, stupid fat fingers hitting the wrong numbers. I was trying to reach Michael. Daisy and I are stuck on the side of the road, and it looks like it might start pouring any second now. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, it’s not like you care.” Her bitter tone bit me like a snake in the night.
My vision blurred, not being able to see anything in front of me. Was I crying?
“It would be nice to just hear from you from time to time. You’re still my brother, no matter what. I love you, Alejandro. I’m still here. Maybe you need to hear it from me to remember that. Hopefully we will talk soon. Be safe.” The line went silent.
The only words that registered were…
“I’m still here.”
My hand fell away from my ear, still holding the phone. Not bothering to hit the end button, staring at the screen while my mind was stuck on one phrase.
“I’m still here.”
It was an endless phrase that repeated itself over and over in my head, a cycle that I couldn’t stop, over and over again.
“I’m still here.”
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t talk.
I was numb.
The darkness settled all around me. Memories of Amari and I came flooding into my mind. From our childhood to the day she walked out of my life, and everything in between. Little mental souvenirs of our time together. I sat there until my body couldn’t take it anymore. I sat there until I felt like there was nothing left of me.
Knowing I would be nothing after this. A shell of the man I used to be. I was an abstract painting and a kaleidoscope of pain. I lived everyday with constant reminders of mistakes and regrets, the things I could never change…
The past.
The present.
The future.
Then.
Now.
Forever.
The relentless torture of love and hate.
The distant memory of the boy I was, and the ruthless man I’d become.
The next thing I knew, I was walking toward the morgue in the hospital to identify their bodies. My heart pounded against my chest, ringing in my ears as they pulled back the locker that held my sister’s body. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see. The woman that was lying there, no longer full of life, laughter, or love.