Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 113406 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 567(@200wpm)___ 454(@250wpm)___ 378(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113406 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 567(@200wpm)___ 454(@250wpm)___ 378(@300wpm)
“So did I.” Madisyn splayed her hands on his chest. “But when she pointed out that you hadn’t wanted me until you realized we were mates, it was like a punch to the gut. Because it’s true. And because now that I’ve grown to care about you, that really hurts.”
The pain in her voice sliced through him. “Baby.”
“She was right about some of the things she said.”
His wolf growled at that. “Like what?”
“You could have cruised through life without me and been happy with someone else . . . even while I was right on the periphery of your life.” Madisyn put a finger to his mouth when he started to object. “You say you didn’t care for Shiloh, but that only makes it worse that you essentially chose her over me. I was right there, but you didn’t see me. Not really.”
“Wrong.” Moving her hand aside, he lightly kissed her, nibbling her lips with his own. “I was always drawn to you. I was just so freaked out by it that I convinced myself it wasn’t real.” He dipped his head and planted a kiss on her neck, still seeking to soothe and comfort. “It’s true that you weren’t on my radar, but I know now that that was because I wasn’t looking for my mate. I was looking for something fun. Uncomplicated. Shallow. Nothing I had to take seriously.”
Madisyn remembered that about him. Remembered wondering if there was much about life that he took seriously.
“Then my world turned upside down, and I wasn’t looking for fun anymore. But I still didn’t acknowledge the pull I felt toward you, because a part of me sensed that you’d make me happy, and I didn’t feel that I deserved to be happy. I was swimming in too much guilt, blaming myself for not protecting my family.”
Frowning, she curled her arms around his neck. “You didn’t fail them,” she said, firm and sober. “You didn’t, Bracken. Life’s just a bitch sometimes. Bad things happen. Don’t take the responsibility for what the extremists did. The blame belongs to them.”
He tilted his head. “See that?”
“What?”
“I’ve had countless people talk to me about this—especially Shaya, who lost her twin and knows a bit about survivor’s guilt. They all gave me big speeches and supportive words that sounded like they came right out of a self-help book on grief. All of it made sense. None of it made me feel any better. And then you, with just a few short words—none of which were exactly profound—made some of the pressure ease off my shoulders.” He knew the weight would come back, but at least he was getting a break from it. “That’s not the bond, Madisyn. That’s you.”
Bracken grazed her lower lip with his teeth just hard enough to sting. He gave the spot a soothing swipe of his tongue. “Feeling the tug of the bond didn’t make me want you. It just made me realize and acknowledge how much I want you. It whipped off my blinders and made me face the truth that was right in front of me. Wasn’t it the same for you?”
Madisyn let her eyes fall shut as he sifted his fingers into her hair and began kneading her scalp. “Not completely the same. I hadn’t fooled myself into thinking I didn’t want you. I just hadn’t known we were mates.” Feeling the slight prick of his claws, she met his gaze, saw honesty and determination there.
“I could have walked away, Madisyn. Have you ever thought about that? The mating urge didn’t have enough time to take hold. The bond was no longer pulling at me. I could have walked away. I had the perfect excuse—I won’t be good for you, my head is a messed-up place, you deserve better than what I can give. But I stayed, because I’m a selfish bastard, and I need you.”
He paused to comb his hand all the way through her hair, loving the silky feel of it as it flowed through his fingers like water. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it was the promise of the mating bond that made me stay. But the fact is that if I found out I was mistaken about you being my true mate, I wouldn’t leave you. Not a chance. That’s the honest-to-God’s truth. I need you to believe that, because no word of it is a lie.”
She couldn’t not believe him. Sincerity gleamed in his eyes, rang in every syllable, and seemed carved into his face.
“It rips me open that you don’t see how important you are to me. You’re my single weak spot, my one vulnerability that can be exploited and cost me everything. That’s shitifying for someone who’s already lost so much. But I would never even think of giving you up. The stirring of the bond pulled us together, sure, but it’s not what’s holding us together. It’s not the reason I feel happy, alive, and steady. That’s all you.”