Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92180 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92180 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“I don’t know either. I know I wanted to spend today with you, and I wanted to spend it on my bike and here in a park just eating and talking. It’s complicated, though.”
“Because of who and what we are,” I say quietly.
“There’s that,” he says, ignoring the food and grabbing a dried blade of grass to roll between his fingers. “But it’s complicated because of my ex-wife.”
That doesn’t make sense. “She’s out of the picture, right?”
“In the sense that we’re divorced, sure. But she’s Jake, Colby, and Tanner’s mom. She’ll never be fully out of the picture. Even if she never shows up to see them again, she’s still in the picture because those boys are wondering where she is. She could be dead in a ditch right now, never to be found, and she’d never be out of the picture. I’m always trying to explain to them why she is the way she is and why she seems to have abandoned them. And I’m sorry, Brienne, but part of me is always going to compare you to her, wondering if you’ll change the way she did.”
I rear back as if he’s slapped me in the face.
His hand shoots out and grabs mine. He squeezes. “I don’t say that to be mean, and I’m 99.9% sure I know exactly who you are. But I thought I knew Crystal, and she did a fucking number on me when she wouldn’t give up drugs for her family. Drugs were more important than her family, and I never want to be in that position again. The league also gave up on me, and I haven’t forgotten that. I also know you’re not the league. You’re a beautiful, warm, sexy woman who I like a hell of a lot.”
My heart twists that it’s so complicated for him, and I squeeze his hand back. I know exactly what he’s saying. He’s not worried that I might turn to drugs and disappoint him in the future, but he is saying that he doesn’t want a woman who has a totem pole of priorities that rank much higher than he, or his kids, ever would.
He’s protecting himself and his family.
“I’m not Crystal,” I say as I pull my hand free. “But I also understand your worries, and I can’t blame you for them.”
“You and I fit in a lot of ways,” Drake says. “When I tell you that I’ve never been more attracted to a woman, or more in awe of a woman, I mean it. When I tell you that as great as you are in bed, I like you out of bed, too, I mean it. But when I tell you that it’s hard for me to see what could come after that, I mean that as well. And honest to God, that’s mostly due to a lack of faith in myself.”
“What?” I exclaim. “You’re one of the strongest, most capable people I know. How can you think that?”
“Because my wife got lost to drug addiction right before my eyes. I was so wrapped up in hockey, and being a dad, and trying to be a husband in the ways I thought she needed, I didn’t see what was happening.”
Now I’m offended. “You’re surely not blaming yourself for her bad choices?”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m not doing that. But I am questioning my ability to see things for what they are, especially when it comes to relationships.”
“You know what I am,” I whisper. “I’ve shown you everything.”
“Yeah… you’re just like me. For your own reasons, you’ve avoided relationships because you need things simple. You haven’t had time to devote to the important things, sort of the way I didn’t have the time either. And yet, here we are, wondering if we could ever be something different.”
“Wow.” A long exhale deflates me, and I look away from Drake. This is not only deep but a bit raw as we’ve peeled away layers to figure out what’s inside.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t try,” he says, and the sudden rush of hope that floods through me tells me all I need to know about myself. My gaze slides his way. “But it’s sure as fuck going to be complicated.”
I move our lunch items aside and crawl across the blanket to Drake. I lie down on my side, facing him. A hand to his cheek, I rub my thumb over his beard. “I know it’s complicated, but I’d like to see where this goes. I’d like us both to push past our fears because if we don’t at least try, I’m afraid there will be major regret.”
Drake’s eyes bore into mine before he leans in to kiss me. It’s gentle and feels like a promise. When he pulls back, he says, “Do we keep this secret, though?”
I chew on my lip as I consider the implications. “There aren’t any written rules against it, but there will be strong opinions. From the fans, from management, from your teammates. Many will be against it, but others won’t.”