Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 157032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 785(@200wpm)___ 628(@250wpm)___ 523(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 785(@200wpm)___ 628(@250wpm)___ 523(@300wpm)
My face falls. “What’s wrong?”
She screws up her face. “Mom’s had a heart attack.”
“What? Oh, Jenna.”
She nods, unable to speak through her tears. I wrap her in my arms and hold her as she sobs. “Where is she?” I ask.
“At the hospital.”
“You need to go to her.”
She nods as she wipes her nose with a tissue. “Is that alright?”
“Of course it’s alright.”
“What will you do with Owie?” she whispers.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll work something out.” I lead her into the kitchen, put the kettle on, and sit her at the table.
“What if she dies?” Jenna whispers.
I take her hand in mine and watch her for a minute. “Everything is going to be okay. Heart attacks aren’t always as bad as they sound.”
She puts her head into her hands and really starts to cry. What can I do to help her? I grab my laptop and go online in search of an airline ticket for her to fly home to Iowa. “There’s one here for tomorrow at ten in the morning. Will that be okay? That’s in about five hours from now.”
She shrugs.
“Let me check the other airlines to see if I can get one cheaper.” I continue to search, but eventually end up going back to the first flight I found.
Jenna finally falls into an exhausted sleep on the sofa, and I sit quietly at the
kitchen table as I try to work out what to do with the disaster that is my life.
I’ve lost Cameron, even though I never had him to begin with.
I now have no babysitter, which means I can’t work, which means I may now lose my internship.
The house is silent and dark, just like my options. I know I got myself into this life, but hell, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. It’s 6am and I plan to wait up to call work in an hour to tell them I won’t be in. I guess the worst thing of all is that it looks to Cameron that I am not going into work because of my fight with him last night. This timing sucks so badly.
What the hell am I going to say?
Oh, I can’t come in because I have no babysitter for a child that doesn’t exist. Or how about I can’t come in because I gave my boss a lap dance last night when I told him I was seeing my mother after we dry humped on his washing machine. Or maybe I made my boss blow in his pants last night and I refuse to pay for the dry cleaning bill.
I put my head into my hands. This is a fucking disaster.
“Hey.” Jenna smiles from the door.
I smile back. “There she is.” I stand and wrap her in my arms. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. Thank you for last night.”
“We should go and get you packed.”
She nods. “Did you ring your mom?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why not?”
I shrug. “It’s all a bit too hard. I’ll have a couple of days off and then work something out from there.”
She watches me for a moment. “Why don’t you just ring your mom and offer to fly her out here for a week or two. I’m sure I will be back by then.”
I exhale slowly. I want to tell Jenna about Cameron and our fight, but now is not the time.
“Maybe.” I sigh.
“She won’t mind, and she can stay in my room.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She watches me for a moment. “You okay?”
I smile sadly. “Yes. Of course. I’m just really tired.” I grab her hand in mine and squeeze it. “You should go pack. Owie and I will take you to the airport.”
She smiles, nods, and disappears up the stairs. I pick up the phone and stare at it for a moment. I love my mom with all of my heart. I love my mom, but things are a little strained between us—because of me, not her.
I guess I never got over the disappointment I saw in her eyes when I fell pregnant out of wedlock. She didn’t want me to have the baby and, although she has been amazing since Owen was born, it was like a fire in my belly was lit and I vowed to never rely on her for anything.
I especially don’t want to now.
I put the phone back down onto the kitchen table and head up to shower as I run over my options in my head. I’m so tired that the tears are just running out of my eyes as the hot water runs over my head. I keep seeing Cameron’s beautiful eyes looking up at me as I sat on his lap. The regret runs deep through my soul.
What could we have been if our timing had been different?
If we had met up after that weekend in Vegas five years ago, things could have been so different between us. I put my head in my hands as the tears flow. I need them to stop. I’m a mother now. With that, I lost the right for any romantic notions I ever had for myself.