Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 157032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 785(@200wpm)___ 628(@250wpm)___ 523(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 785(@200wpm)___ 628(@250wpm)___ 523(@300wpm)
I glance up at the house in front of me—my home—and I hate this feeling. I hate this empty feeling I have inside.
I get it every time they leave me.
My heart is living with them at their house, and yet my body lives here alone.
I can’t stand the silence when Owen’s not here.
I can’t stand my empty bed that Ashley’s not in.
I can’t stand the fact that I’m only happy three days a week, and even then it’s only partial because I don’t have her.
I know I need to move on, but I just don’t know how.
This emptiness is poisoning me, day by day.
I walk in and head straight to my bar, make myself a Scotch, and go sit in the dark by my pool. I hit my playlist of depressing heartbreak songs and a personal favorite by Kaleo comes on. Way down we go.
Father tell me, we get what we deserve.
And way down we go
Way down we go.
The tantric blues music rings out on repeat and I drink myself stupid.
I’m down, alright. I have no idea how to get myself back up.
Way down we go.
Ashley
I pull up in Cameron’s driveway.
It’s late afternoon on Saturday and I’m dropping them home for the weekend in the car. They’ve been skateboarding in our street all day long.
Cameron’s eyes glance to me from the passenger seat, and he pauses as if he wants to say something. He’s been doing this lately—lingering after we finish speaking as if he has more to say. He holds the keys to the house up to Owen in the backseat. “Go and unlock the house, Owie. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Owen snatches the keys from his hand and leans over to kiss me. “Bye, Mom.” He smiles as he jumps out of the car.
“Bye, baby. Have fun.” I smile after him.
I sit with my hands on the wheel, my bottom lip firmly caught between my teeth.
Cameron watches me and my eyes eventually find his. “Do you want to come in and have dinner with us?” he asks, sounding hopeful. “I can make your favorite.”
I fake a smile. “No, but thank you.”
He watches me for a moment before he sighs softly. “How long are you going to hate me for, Ash?”
“I don’t hate you.”
He frowns. “But you don’t like me.”
I exhale deeply. “I just don’t want to play happy families, Cam.” I shake my head. “Just leave it. Please.”
“Can’t we even be friends?”
“Sure,” I reply flatly as I stare out through the windshield.
He frowns. “What do you mean sure? Is that to shut me up?”
“I mean, sure, get out of the car. I’m not having this conversation with you. I’m done. You are not my friend, Cameron. You’re my son’s father and nothing else now. We have been over this a million times. Stop bringing this up.”
He stares out the front window. “Wow,” he mouths sarcastically.
I swallow the lump in my throat and stare straight ahead. “What do you want me to say, Cam?” I whisper.
“I want you to scream at me. I want you to punch me. Anything is better than this ice queen treatment you’re giving me. I can’t stand it.”
I nod as I purse my lips, and I turn to him. “I would do all of those things if I still cared.”
His sad eyes hold mine.
“I don’t, Cam. I’m sorry, I just don’t. Move on. I have.”
“Hello, Ash,” Cameron’s deep voice travels down the phone. It’s Wednesday, around lunchtime.
“Hi, Cam.” I smile.
“I have a problem.”
I frown. “What’s that?”
“Abigail just rang me and she can’t work this week because her husband is sick.”
Cameron has a nanny the days he has Owen because he leaves so early in the morning. Abigail gets Owen up and ready for the day and drops him at preschool. She then picks him up and watches him until Cameron gets home.
We interviewed for her together and she’s a really nice middle-aged lady with her own grownup children. Owen adores her and it’s working out well.
“That’s okay. We can just leave this week then and you can pick up next week.”
“No,” he replies quickly. “That means I won’t see him until the weekend,” he answers in a panic.
I widen my eyes. “So what do you want to do?”
“Well, I was thinking if I could just have him at night and then come over to your house and tuck him into bed, and then he can sleep at your house so Jenna is there.”
I frown. “Yeah, I guess. That shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Good. I’ll pick him up about five and then we will be back about eight? Is that okay?”
“Yeah, fine. See you then.”
I’m lying on the sofa in my flannelette pyjamas when they come bursting through the door. Owen is on Cameron’s shoulders and they are laughing and wrestling.
“Hello?” I call from my relaxed position. Jenna is out for dinner with her boyfriend.