Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“Right.” I shrug. It doesn’t change how incredibly happy I am for her. London would have been easier, but nothing’s impossible. “But where? Wellington? Sydney?”
“Paris,” she replies.
My heart inches higher in my chest. “That’s great. It’s a train ride away. I’m being selfish here, but you’re only going to be a couple of hours away.” She sighs and steps away from me. My hands stay suspended in the air for a moment before I drop them to my sides. “You don’t seem excited.”
“I am excited. Of course, I’m thrilled. I mean—Le Cordon Bleu in Paris? That’s more than I dreamed of. And a full scholarship? It means I can get started on my future straightaway.”
“Right!” I say, trying to drum up a little more enthusiasm in her. “This is great news.” I strum my knuckles over her cheeks.
“It is. And we should celebrate. Do you want to open the bottle?” She nods at the champagne. “I’ll get the glasses.”
I don’t move to open the wine. Not yet. I want to figure out what’s bothering her. “Ellie?”
It’s nice having her here and having her know where things are. I’ve never lived with a woman. I haven’t even been able to imagine it. Not until now. I wait as she takes two glasses from my kitchen cupboard and sets them on the counter.
She glances up at me when I don’t reach for the bottle.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “You don’t look like a woman who just won a scholarship to her dream school in Paris.”
“I do,” she says, smiling blankly.
I fix her with a look that says stop.
“It’s just that…it’s a big decision.”
“Is it?” I ask. “This is what you want, isn’t it?”
She sighs. “I think so. I’m just gun-shy, I guess. I haven’t made a big change like this—made a big decision like this—since I left university. That didn’t turn out so well.”
“But you were giving up your future to manage your boyfriend. This is different. This is for you.”
“That’s what my parents said.”
“You called them? That’s great.” That wouldn’t have been easy for her. I’m pleased she’s building back her relationship with them. “What did they say?”
“They were happy for me. Delighted.”
“And you know they just want what’s best for you.”
“I guess,” she says, clearly still uncertain. “And if I turn it down, it’s not like I’ve got anything here?” She glances up at me as if asking for confirmation.
“Why would you turn it down?”
“Right,” she says.
“You love to cook, Ellie,” I remind her.
“I really do,” she says on an exhale. “You’re right. It’s ridiculous that I’m even thinking about turning them down. It’s just that I know we haven’t been…we’ve not been sleeping together long, but…I like you.”
“I like you.” I step towards her but she steps back, like she’s not done and doesn’t want to be interrupted.
“I really like you. But I don’t think I can give up on such an amazing opportunity.”
She’s acting like we can’t be together if she takes the scholarship, and frankly, I’m confused. “I would never ask you to.” Just like Shane should never have asked her to give up university.
“Right,” she says. “But if I’m going to be in Paris, and you’re going to be in London…in my experience, long-distance relationships don’t work. Being apart a lot can lead to people getting…distracted by other people.” She looks down.
Things start slotting into place. Her hurt, her disappointment, her lack of belief in herself always leads back to one person: Shane.
This time when I move to touch her and she steps back again, I follow her, lift her up onto the counter, and step between her legs. “We’re not talking the other side of the world. You’re going to be in Paris. And how long’s the course? A year?”
She closes her eyes like she’s trying to blink away what I’m saying.
“It can’t work,” she says and it feels like a clap of thunder in my chest.
“Of course it can.”
“No. I’m going to be working crazy hours. When I’m not at the school, I’m going to be wanting to practice and test recipes and do my homework. You’re going to be working your NHS job, plus you’re going to be doing publicity. Your second book won’t write itself. There’s no room for long distance in either of our futures.”
The way she rattles off the reasons we won’t work tells me she’s thought about this. She’s been rehearsing this conversation in her head. I don’t get it. Why hasn’t she talked to me about this before now? Why has she been keeping these thoughts and feelings to herself? If she had, we could have taken each potential issue one by one and thought of solutions, and work-arounds. This way it’s like she’s hitting me with an arsenal of objections and my shields are down. I’m not prepared.