Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 85135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
As long as I don’t look ahead, everything’s just fine.
The future seems full of obstacles. Our incompatible lifestyles. The fact we live three thousand miles away from each other.
And…the fact that I’m the warm-up guy. I’m not the guy who settles down.
“Can we order?” Nathan says. “Do you all know what you want? Or shall I just order burgers for everyone.”
“Fine with me,” I say and everyone else agrees. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so close to the open fire, or because I’m wearing too many layers, but it’s like I can’t fill my lungs enough. I circle a finger around the neck of my jumper, trying to loosen any restrictions and allow the air to flow more freely, but it doesn’t do anything. I don’t seem to be able to breath.
Nathan heads up to the bar to place our order and I take a sip of my pint, trying to distract myself from the way my trachea feels like it’s closing in.
“How’s work?” Jacob asks Dax. I’m relieved to be off the hook.
I don’t want to think about anything other than breathing.
“Good,” replies Dax.
“Is that it?” Jacob asks.
“What do you want? Details?” Dax asks.
“No,” I say. “Leave it, Jacob.”
Dax and Jacob are clearly getting on each other’s nerves, but I’m not sure why. The last thing we want is Dax to start talking about his research. The family is pleased he loves his job, we just don’t need to know the latest ins and outs of whatever the hell he does on a day-to-day basis. No one does.
“What about you?” Jacob asks, looking at me. “Are you clear-headed now? The cold really helps, doesn’t it?”
“I’m going to be cold for the rest of my life,” I manage to get out, then stare at my pint, hoping the conversation will move past me.
“The fire will help,” Nathan says as he returns from the bar.
“October isn’t a good time to go swimming outside,” I say. “And no, it hasn’t helped.” I enjoyed it the first time I’d gone with Jacob, but today felt like too much. My shoulder is really irritating me. And all these layers are almost suffocating. Maybe I need to walk it off.
“Let’s break this down,” Dax says. “We can do it logically.”
“Of course. Logically,” Nathan mutters before he takes a sip of his beer.
“First, do you enjoy spending time with Vivian?”
We aren’t still talking about this, are we? “I’m not up for discussion. Change the subject.”
Suppressed laughter ripples around the table. “Come on, it’s not often that so many of us are together without Dad barking at us, or our wives and girlfriends being the center of our attention,” Jacob says. “We can help you work through this.”
“Through what?” I ask. “There’s nothing to work through.”
“What happens when she goes back to the States?” Jacob asks. “Sutton tells me she has a tour next year. Are you going with her?”
I half-choke on the beer I’ve just swallowed. I hammer my fist on my chest. “I’m not looking at the end of the week, let alone next year.”
“So, you’re going to end things?” Dax asks.
It’s like my stomach turns to sludge at the thought. Once again, I can’t catch a breath.
“Or will you give up your life here and head to New York?”
“Nah, he won’t do that,” Nathan says. “He likes London too much.”
I like her. I never said I would move to America. My life is here, in London. Why would they even think that?
Does Vivian think that?
“We haven’t known each other that long.”
“Right,” Jacob says. “But when you know, you know. When you’re willing to risk everything to be with her, you know it’s right.”
Why’s he talking about risking everything? I just told him I’m not thinking beyond the end of the week and neither is Vivian.
“I have nothing to risk,” I say. “We’re not like you and Sutton. I’m not putting my career on the line. It’s good between us, mate, but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“Okay, so her publicity tour is over and you’re off the hook. She flies back to New York, you go husky mushing and that’s it? She’s just another woman in another port?” Nathan says.
It’s like someone is rooting around my stomach, trying to pull out the sludge with a rake. I might be coming down with flu or a gastro thing, because I feel awful.
“Maybe,” I say and stare into my pint. What’s between me and Vivian doesn’t feel like just another hook-up, but I’m not sure I’m meant to be with anyone for real. As Coral so cuttingly observed, I’m not that guy.
“It will be fine,” Jacob says, clapping me on the back. “You’re going to love being in a couple. Having someone to hang with all the time, someone who knows exactly what you’re thinking all the time…”