Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 101335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
He opened the front door and entered. Jace stood right in the middle of the entryway. Colt kept a tight hold on the keys and faced off with him. Now that Jace was back inside, the immediate panic had subsided and Colt wanted the problems out and solved. There would be no more future talk of leaving and apparently that needed to be discussed too.
“Put some clothes on,” Jace said, motioning at him, before crossing his arms over his chest.
“Why? You haven’t had a problem with my nudity since I arrived,” Colt shot back. He kept a tight grip on Jace’s keys, but moved around him, going to the bedroom to grab his blue jeans from the night before. “If I walk away, are you going to try and leave again?”
Colt meant the words as more of a dig, but he didn’t stay in the bedroom long just in case Jace really did try to run off again. He grabbed the jeans off the floor and tugged them up while walking back into the living room. Jace was standing in the same spot, like a statue, cold and unmoving. Colt stopped long enough to raise his zipper, while carefully avoiding any possible pinches or hair pulling.
Jace glowered at him, expressionless, not saying a word. The near miss, combined with Jace’s clearly indifferent attitude had anger coursing through his veins.
“Goddamn, Jace. You won’t fuckin’ talk to me. I try to get you involved, and you just fuckin’ stand there, in stoned silence. But you have the nerve to fuckin’ leave me while I’m sleeping? It’s bullshit. If you have something on your mind, you need to fuckin’ tell me. I can’t fix what I don’t fuckin’ know about.” Colt was angry now. He circled Jace as he raged. His shoulders rolled, his body tensed, and he actually yelled the last few sentences. When Colt came back around to stand in front of Jace, he threw his hands in the air. “See? You don’t communicate with me. You leave it to me, and if I don’t fuckin’ get it right, you leave me. That shit ain’t right, Jace.”
“We don’t operate on the same page,” Jace finally said, his voice calm and low. Lifting his head, he pinned Colt with his stare and stepped forward until they stood toe to toe. His lip quivered, but he stood his ground.
“Then put me on your page. I’ll stay there,” Colt shot back. They stood face to face, staring at each other. Colt wasn’t willing to move back even an inch. He was going to stay in Jace’s personal space until this got resolved.
“I’m always gonna be afraid for your safety as long as you keep your life in New York. If you’re there for months at a time, I can’t see you not breaking. Your dad’s gonna stay on you, your agent too. You’ll fall off of the wagon sooner or later just under the sheer magnitude of pressure they put on you. And football isn’t just going to accept you if you come out gay. I can’t see how it’s gonna work, how we will work, Colt.”
“So you were leaving me, instead of talking this through?” Colt couldn’t let it go.
Jace sighed, closing his eyes, dropping his head back between his shoulders.
“If it helps you not worry, I’ll figure out a way to retire. Do you love me? Am I it for you?”
“Colt, you can’t retire. You’re at the height of your career. No way will they let you out of your contract.” Jace was back to squaring off with him and adamant as hell.
“Do you honestly think I’m the only gay guy in all of the NFL? I mean really. Do you think I’m the only gay on my team? I’m not. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. We can work it out.”
“I’d like you to be able to be at my gym. And attend all the things that are important to me,” Jace said.
“Me too. Done! See how easy that was?” Colt threw his hands in the air, shaking his head, trying to make Jace feel ridiculous, even though he wasn’t, and they both knew it.
“Don’t trivialize my concerns, or act like you would have so willingly listened to me before.” Jace finally moved away, walking across the living room to the back sliding glass doors. He stared out at the ocean. Colt followed behind him at a slower pace.
“We won’t know because you’ve never given me that chance,” Colt said, his anger fading quickly, needing to better assess where they were in this argument. “Look, I don’t know the answers. We’ll have to work it out as we go. I understand now where your concern is, but you have to fuckin’ tell me when I’m steppin’ outside of your expectations.”
Colt hesitantly took the steps and closed the distance, coming to stand behind Jace. When he didn’t move away, Colt slowly slid his arms around Jace’s waist. Jace finally leaned back against him in a small move of giving some in their argument. Colt tightened his hold, tugging Jace firmly against his chest.
“You’re it for me. Am I it for you, Jace?” Colt buried his face in the crook of Jace’s neck and closed his eyes, breathing in his scent. Forever was what he wanted, and he prayed Jace wanted the same life he so desperately craved. Jace lifted his hand and cupped the back of Colt’s head, his fingertips grazed across Colt’s scalp and sent chills down his spine as they threaded through his hair.
“You’re it for me,” Jace whispered. Colt turned him in his arms and drew him back against his body.
“I love you. Now, say it back.” Colt needed to hear those three little words, needed Jace to ease his fear.
“I love you, too. But I’m scared.” After all these days, Jace finally gave some hint as to where his head really was in this whole deal.
“I put that doubt in you, and I’m sorry. I’ll carry the burden of knowing I hurt you for the rest of my life. But I can’t make us right if you keep your feelings all bottled up inside.” Colt placed a kiss on Jace’s lips. “So well figure out what’s next. What’s right for us as we go. I’ll always put you first, above anyone and anything, Jace. I’ve learned that lesson. I’ve lived a life without you, and I’m not going back there. You’re my future. Now, tell me you’re staying with me.”