Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Drake is the man I love. I can pretend he isn’t, but I would be a fool and a liar.
He is the man I have always wanted.
I don’t want to lose him again. I fear it so much.
I will do whatever it takes to make this work again. The past is the past. We have done wrong without each other. It’s time to make things right again.
He’s proved his loyalty to me. Now it’s my turn to show him that I really want this.
Chapter 38
Drake
I’m not sure how she can still put up with me—better yet, how she can still love a fucked up man like myself.
I acted so fucking stupid last night. I got so angry that I went running to find that son-of-a-bitch. He had no fucking right to lay a finger on her, and that’s why I went.
The horrible memories of Flex kept popping up in my head. Mom, and how she’d cower in the corner of the living room, shakily telling me to go to my room and lock the door.
Back then, all I could do was watch. I was so young. So weak. I wanted to fight back, but Flex was so much bigger than I was.
I would scream for him to leave her alone, and he’d tell me to shut the hell up. And when he was finished with her, he’d come to my room, kick the locked door in, and punch me across the face, just to finish the job. On the good days, he’d slap me.
Mom wouldn’t stand down, though. She’d come in bruised and damaged, but she refused for him to hit me like he did her. He’d hit me once or twice, but she’d stumble in to stop him every time.
I should have run away with her—I told her we would be better off away from Flex, but she didn’t agree. I think she was too afraid to leave. Even Grandma Marie begged when she saw us bruised one day, but Mom refused.
Her refusal was her undoing. If she had listened to Grandma Marie, she would still be here.
She’d still be able to help me. Protect me. She’d be better. I just know it.
The day she died was a horrific one. I remember it like it was yesterday. I will never be able to get that image out of my mind. She’d overdosed and then hit her head on the edge of the bathroom counter. She was bleeding everywhere.
Splashes of her blood have tainted my memories. The stains that were on that dirty floor will never clear up or go away, no matter how much I try to forget it.
It’s all I could picture, only this time with Jenny cowering with fear, hoping to be saved.
I still want to find that fucker, trust me, but I’m holding off. I gave up looking for him last night after about two hours. I calmed down as much as I could.
I saw them looking for me, and every time I saw them coming in my direction, I went the opposite way.
After a while I just sort of… gave up on the whole idea.
I went to the pool and sat on the bench. The gate was locked, but I jumped it. I needed some air. Some time. Some space.
The only thing running through my mind was Jenny. I couldn’t do this to her. Not again. That was all I could think. When Oscar found me it was truly a relief. He didn’t question me, but he did scold me.
And then he said something that really fucked with my head.
“You want to lose Jenny again by doing something this stupid, then be my fucking guest. I’ll help you find that motherfucker and let you beat him into a bag of bones like you do all the others. But I want you to think about it. You’ll not only lose your contract and get sued out the ass for assault, but you’ll lose the woman you love, too. Again. Do you want that? Huh? Do you want to lose her over some shit you couldn’t control? It happened and it’s fucking done. You got her back, now rejoice in that and drop it. Violence doesn’t solve violence, Doom. Grandma Marie told you that every fucking day. This shit that happened to Jenny isn’t any different than what Flex used to do to aunt Sam. I know it hurts, but you’ve gotta man the fuck up. You’ve gotta be the better and bigger person. Not only for yourself, but for that girl that you love, that’s waiting in your hotel room for you. Don’t make her run away again. Don’t give her an excuse to leave you, man.”
He said all of this, and deep down I knew it was true. Violence won’t solve violence. It never has. I think of all the times I could have ripped Flex’s throat out, and in the end, what would have happened?