Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 60700 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 202(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60700 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 202(@300wpm)
I hold up my hands. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” I reach out to squeeze Lexi’s thigh.
When the little one finishes nursing, Dean takes her from Jessie, holding her to his shoulder and patting her back. He’s already an old pro handling her.
It almost makes me miss having little ones. Almost. But those days were so long ago, I’ve blocked out how intense fatherhood is when you have young children. The twins made everything twice as intense.
“So how is fatherhood? What do the two of you do all day, just sit around and stare at your little princess?”
Jessie laughs. “Pretty much. Dean made me quit work five months into the pregnancy, and he has flexible hours, so we're home a lot. This is an exciting outing for me.”
Lexi leans forward, finally relaxed enough to join the conversation. “What did you do before you quit?”
“Nursing assistant.”
Lexi launches into easy conversation with Jessie, flashing her beautiful smile. I can’t help but notice how easily she fits in with family. I never in a million years could’ve brought Stacy to an event like this and expect her to make intelligent conversation.
“I’m blessed.” Dean sounds truly religious about it as he gazes at his wife.
“Jessie, may I hold her?” I lean across Dean to look at her. “I’m good with babies, I promise.”
Jessie smiles. “Sure.”
Dean carefully transfers the little bundle to me, and I place her on her back on my lap, cradling her tiny head in my palms, staring at her miniature features. It’s been so long since my girls were babies, but the wonder and awe of being a new parent floods back like it was yesterday.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I ask.
Lexi murmurs in assent.
Little Olive looks straight into my eyes, her mouth tugging into a lopsided smile.
“Thank you for the smile,” I whisper. To Lexi, I say, “It’s like looking into the eyes of God, isn’t it?”
When she doesn’t answer, I look up to see her staring at me with a strange look.
“Do you want children?”
Pain flickers across her face, and I want to kick myself in the balls. What in the fuck am I thinking? I’ve told her there’s no possible chance we’re having a real relationship, and then I ask her if she wants the full package? What an idiot.
“I used to. I just haven’t been...in the right situation to think about it.”
I’m an asshole. I have no interest in remarrying or starting a new family. I’ve been there, done that. No need to do it again.
Although the thought of Lexi’s belly swollen with my child does ignite a primal sense of pride.
I pick up the baby and inhale the smell of her, kissing the top of her soft brown curls before handing her back to Joey.
Lexi remains relatively quiet for the rest of the game. I try to tease her out of it, but this problem isn’t one I can easily fix for her. Not with money or a little attention.
What she wants, I definitely can’t–or am not willing–to give her.
Lexi
After the game, Bobby drops me off at the apartment without walking me up or coming in for sex.
I can’t decide if I’m disappointed or relieved.
It’s only been three weeks, and already this situation with Bobby is getting painful. My heart isn’t supposed to be involved at all. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love. This is a temporary situation. I’d hoped I might stay here a few months to save on rent money and pay down my medical bills. But it’s only been a few weeks, and I don’t know how much longer I can make it. Every day, I get more and more comfortable. Let him see the real me. Learn to trust him.
But Bobby Manghini isn’t available. He’s made it clear I’m not wife-and-kids material. No amount of wishing he would stare at a baby we made together with the same reverence he had at the baseball game would make it happen.
This relationship is purely transactional—he takes care of my financial needs, and I make myself available. Nothing more. Nothing less. The sooner I get back on my feet and can walk away, the better.
I take the elevator up to the apartment and put on a swimsuit. I might as well take advantage of all the luxuries while I’m here. I go up to the rooftop pool. Once again, no one is up there with me. I climb in the pool and float on my back, watching the sky turn pink and purple as the sun sets.
I’m falling in love with a made man. He’s wrong for me in so many ways, and yet, I just can’t seem to help myself.
Chapter Fourteen
Lexi
The next week, I sit at a hotel conference table across from members of the interview panel.
“Have you ever taught anyone else how to cut or color hair?” the interview panelist asks me, tapping his pen against his teeth.