Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 108173 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108173 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
She swallowed down a surge of nausea and concentrated on keeping her breathing steady. She wanted there to be no misunderstandings between them anymore. He needed to hear her next words loud and clear, without any room for error.
“You’re wrong, Ben. It won’t work, because I’m actively focused on loathing you right now. And every word coming out of your mouth is reinforcing that revulsion. So maybe you’d better concentrate on shutting the hell up.”
He stared at her mutely, his eyes burning with some emotion she didn’t care to interpret. She didn’t give one damn about his feelings right now. Ben had taken up too much of her time, energy, and focus since he’d come into her life. And now—after she’d made the dumbest mistake of her life—she finally recognized that he’d never been worthy of her attention.
“You can’t make me happy, Ben. You won’t make me happy. Any man who thinks that what you’re offering me is enough, is incapable of comprehending what constitutes a happy, healthy relationship. I’d spend every single day of our married life miserable with you. I don’t want that. I can’t stomach the thought of a passionless, unhappy marriage with you. With anyone. I deserve better than that. Hell, even you deserve better than that.”
“You’re such a fucking child, Lilah. This is real life… it’s our life. It’s best for you to come to terms with that fact really soon. You can decide to be miserable, but it would be so much easier on both of us if you’d just grow the hell up and start taking responsibility for your actions. You married me this morning. You stood up in that church and promised to ‘love’ me for all eternity or whatever the fuck.” The fact that staid, uptight Ben had lowered himself to use air quotes with the word love further added to Lilah’s mortification and she felt the burn of tears in the back of her throat. “You don’t just get a do-over from that. You made a commitment. I plan to honor the promises I made. Why don’t you show some strength of character and work on keeping yours as well?”
The smile she mustered felt small and frigid on her lips and that suited Lilah fine. It matched the way she felt right now.
“Thank you, Ben. That’s exactly what I needed to hear to make me despise you even more. Now if you don’t mind, I need to get out of this fucking dress.”
The profanity was uncharacteristic for her and she could tell it shook him but she didn’t stick around long enough to savor his shock. Instead she retreated to the bathroom in a flurry of tulle and organza.
Fortunately the bathroom was huge and could easily accommodate Lilah’s full skirt. She slammed the door and reached behind her to frantically tug at the fitted bodice of her dress in an attempt to access the fifty satin buttons that marched down her back in a neat straight line.
Blake had been the one to fasten them for her. And her friend had teased her about how impatient Ben would be to unfasten them.
“I hope he doesn’t rip them off,” Blake joked.
“He’d better not,” Lilah replied with a blush. “How will I explain that to my daughter when it’s time for her to wear this dress one day?”
“Daddy was so hot for Mommy; he couldn’t wait to get her naked?” Blake suggested saucily. “And that, my child, was when you were conceived.”
Lilah’s blush deepened, but she couldn’t stop her heart racing at the thought of Ben being so overwhelmed by desire for her that he’d tear the buttons off her dress. Even though it was difficult for her to imagine him wanting her that badly.
Misgivings like that should have sent her running from this union months ago. How the hell did she think it was okay to marry a man when she wasn’t even sure if he found her hot enough to be impatient to see her naked?
Stupid, she chastised herself contemptuously. Because you’re stupid!
Now Lilah was the one desperate to tear the buttons off her dress. Only she couldn’t reach them and after several futile, frantic attempts, she sank to the floor, her skirt poofing up around her.
She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up in her own bed back home, relieved that this day had been nothing but a terrible nightmare.
There was a soft, tentative knock on the door.
“Lilah?” She could hear the concern in Ben’s voice.
“Leave me alone,” she called, her voice thick and nasally with tears.
“I think…” he hesitated. Ben rarely hesitated, he was a man of action. Lilah didn’t like that uncharacteristic glimmer of vulnerability. She wanted him to be his usual arrogant self, so that she could continue targeting her rage at him. “I think maybe you need some help? With the dress?”