Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 108173 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108173 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
His admission of love last night had clearly caught her off guard and he couldn’t blame her for that. Not after everything he’d put her through. It was what he deserved, really. Losing her, just as he was ready to admit the depth of his feelings for her. He’d left it too late, clinging to his stubborn pride and ignorance for no damned good reason. When he had so much to fucking lose.
“Why do you call me cupcake?” she asked in a thick voice once the storm had passed, and he’d handed her his handkerchief to help her mop up.
“I’m pretty sure you’re going to hate the answer to that question,” he confessed with a wry grin.
“Oh?” She lifted her head from his chest and glared him though red-rimmed eyes. Her nose was pink, her cheeks flushed and her eyes swollen. She wasn’t a pretty crier, but she was still hands-down the most beautiful woman he’d ever seem. “Now you’ve got to tell me.”
“Your wedding dress. It was lovely and all but it was also really damned big, sweetheart. I thought you resembled a sugary confection in it. A mouthwatering cupcake. I think it was the—uh—shape of it? Of the skirt?”
She eyed him askance, her lips pressed into a thin, unimpressed line.
“That was a bespoke Vera Wang gown, you philistine,” she huffed, and he offered her an apologetic smile.
“It really was pretty,” he appeased.
“I wanted to look like a Disney princess,” she admitted. “It was a bit childish, I know. I felt like an idiot afterward, when—well—you know?”
Her voice faded miserably and he sighed—the sound weighed down with his own misery.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“I understand. It was a shock. Your fake wife suddenly blathering on about love and forever afters.”
“I never once thought of you as a fake wife, Lilah. Quite the opposite.”
A quiet little whine alerted them to the fact that Fifi was sitting on the couch next to them and watching them with a tilted head. Neither of them knew how long she’d been sitting there.
They both laughed, the tension broken and Lilah shifted from his lap to the couch next to him. Leaving Ben with empty arms and a bereft heart.
Fifi shocked them both by crawling into Lilah’s lap and curling up for a snooze.
“Oh…” She stared at Ben with wide eyes and whispered, “What do I do?”
“Pet the brat, that’s what she’s after.” Lilah’s hands dropped to Fifi’s ruff and she ran her fingers through the lush fur to be found there with a happy sigh.
Ben watched them for a moment.
“Lilah?”
“Hmm?” She looked up at him with guileless eyes and his tongue tangled in his mouth as he stared at her.
“I’ve been a fucking fool.”
She stared, her mouth dropping open in shock. Ben, deciding that it was all or nothing right now, slid from the couch and knelt in front of her, his hands on either side of her hips. Fifi kept sleeping, even though Lilah’s entire body seemed to have turned to stone.
Turned out Ben had one last thing to gamble, after all. His heart. He might as well add it to the pot, because if he lost her, she’d be taking the fucking useless thing along with her anyway.
“I wasn’t able to identify the obvious truth that was staring me in the face for years. Everything I’ve always felt for you; fascination, attraction, impatience, confusion, anger, lust, fondness, annoyance, tenderness… it all adds up to one thing. Something I think maybe Cyrus saw, but that I didn’t recognize because it was beyond the scope of my previous experience.”
“What’s that?”
“Love, leannan.”
“Ben… you don’t have to…”
“I’ve been pretty adamant that I don’t want a divorce, right? That I wanted us to stay together and live the life I’d planned for us. But that gradually changed. I found myself recognizing that my vision wasn’t enough. It was too limited in its scope. And I came to appreciate that what I really wanted, Lilah, was the life you’d envisioned for us. Not some cold, cynical arrangement but something warm and alive and vibrant and messy. Because loving you is messy and crazy and complicated.”
Tears were beading her long, luscious lashes now and overflowed down her cheeks. He wiped them away clumsily, not sure what they meant. His heart was throbbing in his throat. What the fuck was going on with the damned thing? Previously so dependable, an efficient muscle doing a damned fine job, it had become unpredictable, dictating emotions and decisions.
“Last night, I made a mess of it. I know it was bad timing and I don’t blame you for thinking it was because of the baby. But I do love you, sweetheart. Beyond all reason. You’re the beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins.
“I’ve made so many mistakes, Lilah. I’ve said stupid, untrue things, deliberately designed to hurt you. You were never a disappointment to Cyrus. He was so proud of you and I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t know how he could be so supportive of your photography when I believed it was a waste of time and energy. I thought it was just another way of spoiling and indulging you. I’m so sorry I ever made you think, even for a second, that Cyrus wasn’t proud of you.