Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 112926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“Don't wanna lose you,” he mumbled. Maddox grasped my hand in his, albeit clumsily, because he was still really drunk. Our fingers interlaced together, and his hold tightened.
I gave his hand a squeeze in comfort and in warning. “I don't do toxic relationships.”
His eyes cracked open, and he gave me a small smile. There was something melancholy about it. He had the appearance of a desperate man, starving and reaching blindly toward something, but it always escaped out of his grasp before he could grab hold. Maddox was breaking my heart, and there was nothing I could do to end this suffering.
“We're not in a relationship.”
I knew that but I still asked. Maybe I was a glutton for pain. “Then, what are we?”
His gaze fixated on me again, eyes so blue they looked like the midwinter sky – beautiful yet dreary. “You're... more,” he whispered the confession. “Don’t leave, Lila.”
He said my name like a prayer, as if he was whispering all his hopes to heaven.
With that said, he closed his eyes again, and this time, he was no longer conscious. I looked down at our hands, and I swallowed back my tears. “What are you doing to me, Maddox?”
Before I could think twice about my actions, I climbed under the comforter and joined him. His body was still cold, but slowly regaining its warmth. Under the strong smell of alcohol and tobacco, his scent still lingered. Warm, rich and earthy…
I didn’t know when it happened or why I didn’t realize it until now, but Maddox’s familiar scent brought me comfort.
I curled into his side; our fingers still intertwined. He needed me; he needed his friend. “I’m not leaving. Pinky swear.”
Maddox was bad.
There was a boy once, a boy just like him, who ruined me and left me scarred.
Maddox was everything I stayed away from; he was everything I didn’t need in my life.
I told myself… never again. I’d never let myself be weak around men like Maddox.
But no matter how much I tried to walk away, to put distance between us, to somehow end this friendship… he wouldn’t let go.
He was bad. He smoked, he was too hasty about life, he liked to break the law, he broke girls like me – he left a trail of shattered hearts behind him, and he didn’t care about anything. I thought… maybe it was because no one taught him how to care for another human being.
I saw a few glimpses of the Maddox he tried to hide from everyone, the Maddox who just wanted his parents’ approval – that Maddox was starving for attention.
There were a hundred reasons why he was bad for me.
But all those reasons became insignificant when I realized he didn’t want to hurt me. At first, I was skeptical. I was waiting for Maddox to do what he was best at – break hearts.
But he didn’t.
Weeks went by.
Two months passed.
I realized Maddox Coulter was a little bit ruined, a little bit messy, a little bit broken -- a beautiful disaster.
Like me.
All those reasons were no longer important, because every morning, he’d wait outside my Grandparents’ home, he’d hand me a muffin and follow my bus to school. Every afternoon, he’d sit with me and study – something he hasn’t done in years. He hated studying, he hated opening a textbook, but he did it anyway. Because of a dare, because of me – he did it for me.
It was silly, it was something so little, yet…
I couldn’t let go of my friend.
He was annoying but hilarious. He was the world’s biggest asshole – a douchebag by definition. In fact, he’d take that trophy home. Asshole of the decade.
He angered me, made me want to scream in frustration, he drove me utterly crazy, but as much as he had me sighing in exasperation and rolling my eyes… he made me smile.
Maddox was out of his mind: too careless, too reckless, too foolish.
But he was the chaos to the perfect world I had built around me – a world where I kept my heart carefully guarded.
Miss Perfectionist, he liked to say.
Hmph. Maddox made my world a little bit less… perfect. Was she okay with this? Is this the realization she came to here?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Lila
As I came awake again, for the fifth time this night, I realized it wasn’t night anymore. The heavy curtains were still drawn, but I could see the sunlight through the slits.
My hands landed on a wall of muscle, warm and strong. I could feel his heart beating under my palm. My gaze slid up his chest, neck, squared jaw and finally, his eyes.
I realized two things.
One – I spent the night with Maddox, and I slept for over twelve hours, and he slept even more.
Two – Maddox was awake, and he was staring down at me with an unreadable expression.