Total pages in book: 183
Estimated words: 178343 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 892(@200wpm)___ 713(@250wpm)___ 594(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 178343 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 892(@200wpm)___ 713(@250wpm)___ 594(@300wpm)
He growls, facing the guest room door. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Right now I’m tryin’ to fucking digest all that’s happened while I figure out if everything I see is real or not. Leave me alone for a while, for fuck’s sake.”
“So you’re picking a fight with me to make me avoid you? Is that what you’re doing? Hurting me so you can make me upset enough to avoid you so that you won’t hurt me by accident?”
“I don’t even know where to fucking start with you,” he snaps.
“That Doc person was gonna be another hour. There was no way I could watch you like that for another minute. You were in so much turmoil, Killian.”
He spins to face me, and I keep going.
“If I were in medical danger you wouldn’t make me wait an hour to get help, would you? I dealt with that when we had the scare about my pregnancy so I know you wouldn’t. I got you the help you needed immediately because that’s what I needed to do. That Doc guy might not have had what he needed to help you. The doctor said you could’ve had a cardiac arrest. What then? Some guy with a first aid kit is going to be able to help with that? He’ll know what to do upstairs from a bar, bowling alley, and arcade if you’re having organ failure?”
He folds his arms across his chest. Still saying nothing.
“Don’t you shut me out like this. Do you realize how awful you’re being to me? How this makes me feel to be pushed away from you when you need me?”
I’m sobbing now.
And he looks even angrier when he shouts, “Do you realize how fucking terrifying it is for me to be around you and know I could hurt you? I’m supposed to protect you.” Pain slashes across his face. “I woke up with my fuckin’ arms restrained!”
I rush to him and throw my arms around him.
“Don’t. I need you to back off, baby, because I’m afraid to even touch you. I don’t know if…” He doesn’t finish because I burrow my face deep into his chest and hold onto his waist tighter.
It takes a second for his arms to finally close around me and when they do, I feel his body jolt and suddenly he’s holding me tight. Far too tight, but he’s breathing hard and I know down to my soul he needs this. We both do.
“Come on,” I whisper and work to maneuver us the rest of the way back to our room. He loosens his hold on me and we move to our bed.
“Come on,” I say again and pull him into the bed and pull the covers over us. We’re on our sides, face to face. I snuggle in and wrap my arms around his middle.
He sighs heavily and buries his face into my neck.
And his body is trembling.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I whisper.
“I don’t know if it is, Violet.”
“It is,” I vow.
“Dunno what’s real around me and what’s not. Shit is still distorted. When you were talkin’ to me just now he was behind you, laughing, and I know he’s not there but I still fuckin’ see him.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s just you and me here, I promise.”
“That other shithead is finally out of our lives and this shit happens,” he mutters.
“I know,” I say with sadness. “Or I guess I know. I didn’t really know what happened, because your text didn’t say much.”
He wraps me up tighter in his arms. “He got on that plane. He’s out of your life. Out of mine.”
I swallow. And then I let out a long breath.
It’s done. The Ray drama is over. Really over.
“I know you’ve been through a meat grinder, Killian, but please don’t ever shut me out like that again. It hurts so much. I’m so fucking mad at you for doing that to me.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I can’t think straight. I’m so fucking angry and I need you safe. I need to know I’m not gonna cause you any harm. Do you have any idea what it was like for a man like me to wake up and not be able to move my arms with that haunted look on your face that I’ll never fuckin’ forget as long as I live?”
“I can only imagine,” I whisper.
“And I’m dealing with the cops and their bullshit and I fuckin’ hate hospitals and hate feeling helpless even more. Fuckin’ restrained while all your nightmares play out in front of your eyes over and over on a goddamn loop only you’re awake and you know you’re awake so you can’t even tell yourself it’ll be over soon like with a nightmare because you’re already awake. That’s fucking with me. All of this is fucking with me.”