Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 136731 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136731 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
He glances up at me, holding up two fingers. “Two ends of the spectrum. One woman giving her all. One not giving enough.” He shrugs. “I was young and stupid. My father knew about Lucia.” He snuffles a laugh. “Heck, everyone knew about Lucia, but I had my duty to fulfill. And so I married Angela. Lucia knew, but it didn’t matter to her. Only I mattered.”
I’m enthralled. “What happened next?”
The old man links his fingers, resting his hands on the table, looking down at them. “This life, our life, is not for everyone. The more time I spent with Lucia, the more she saw that disturbed her. She kept talking about the day we would run away and just be together, away from the guns and violence. She was naïve, and I let her be. It was kinder that way. Angela was built for this life. Lucia was not. Imagine my surprise when Angela announces that we were expecting our first child?” He chuckles. “I was overwhelmed. That feeling of exhilaration, of becoming a father, was something I hadn’t expected to feel. So I think long and hard about my life and decide to end things with Lucia, but when I get there, she’s crying happy tears.” He throws his arms out by his sides. “‘Hey, Tony, you’re going to be a daddy. Isn’t it grand?’”
My heart squeezes like a vise. “What did you do?”
With his mouth drawn in a grim line, he mutters, “I was kidding myself to ever believe I had a life with Lucia. I was with her until the birth of my firstborn son. We named him Antonio, and that meant something to me. He was my namesake, and that right should have gone to my wife, but Lucia… I loved her more than was wise. I spent four days with my baby boy, holding him, trying to memorize the feel of him in my arms. Then, Giuseppe was born, and his birth had done something to Angela. Every moment she watched me with our son, speaking to him, cradling him, she softened a little more toward me until her affections began to grow, and she asked me to forgive her, to be faithful to her.”
“You left Lucia? You left your son, just like that?” My heart breaks for the woman.
His eyes bright, he states, “She was my wife. It was my duty to be faithful to her. Besides, one of my sons was bound by my name. He would have to do his duty to our family. My other son was not honor bound. Without my name, he would live a normal life. Fall in love. Marry anyone he wanted.” Signor Falco’s eyes meet Julius’s over my shoulder. “How was I to know that Antonio was destined to follow in my footsteps regardless? I left to give him a better life. He was meant to have a good life. I wasn’t to know that my leaving would cause more damage than good. I think about him, every damned day. I’m glad he had you, Julius. Thank you for being his brother, for being there when I couldn’t be.”
A thick silence ensues, thick enough to carve with a knife. “Where is he?” I ask. “Where is Antonio?”
Signor Falco’s eyes glaze over in grief.
It’s Julius who answers, and he does this on a whisper.
“He died.”
“Things have changed,” is what Julius said. Those words were only spoken this afternoon, and for some reason, it feels like a lifetime ago. For so many things have happened in the meantime.
And after what happened this evening, I feel changed.
I am not frightened anymore.
I am calm, at ease. And I know something will eventually rock that calm and send me adrift, but before that happens, I plan to take the sails and charge out to sea.
Uncertainty hits me like a blow to the solar plexus. Looking at myself in the reflection of the mirror, I judge that reflection harshly, and before I can change my mind, I pull Ling’s robe over my near-naked body.
I tell myself I owe it to him. I owe him something. Anything. So I will venture into uncertainty with my arms stretched wide and my head held high.
My bare feet move silently along the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. My heart jolts as I come to stand a short distance, on the inside of the closed door. Closing my eyes, I breathe deep and soldier on.
Three more steps…
My legs begin to shake.
Two more steps…
A flush rises from my neck to heat my cheeks.
One more step…
My heart beats steady, hard and fast, like a drum.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I lift my hand and turn the knob. It opens soundlessly, and as I gently push open the door, I’m greeted with a sight.
Julius sitting up in bed, his bare torso resting against the headboard, sheets pooled just under his waistline to reveal a small swatch of hair trailing from his taut belly down lower, lower to where I can’t see any more. His eyes on me, waiting expectantly.