Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 140940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 705(@200wpm)___ 564(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 705(@200wpm)___ 564(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
My eyes traced the contours of his form, catching on the tattooed ink that adorned his skin. The solid black stars near each shoulder and the huge lion crawling up his arm.
That lion was majestic and terrifying, much like Kaz himself.
I love you, baby.
Paint dripped from my brush, but I could not return to the canvas just yet.
I placed the brush on the easel, lifted the lit joint to my lips, and inhaled. The whole time my gaze remained on him.
Mmm.
Even in his sleep, Kaz’s pose was one of deadly violence. Tightly coiled, as if he was perpetually ready to spring into action.
The true embodiment of an apex predator in the wild.
Not just any man could hold such tension.
Even in rest.
It was as if every cell of his being had been woven for violence.
I blew out smoke.
His presence alone was enough to send shivers down the spine of those who knew what he was capable of.
And yet, here he was—my baby—sleeping peacefully on the couch as if he were any other man.
But I knew better.
Kaz was a deadly storm waiting to happen, a tightly coiled nuclear spring of violence and power that could explode and flatten a city at any moment.
A Russian nightmare.
I flicked the joint’s ash out of the window, put the lit side out, and lay it next to my easel. Next, I turned back to Kaz.
He still loves me. Even though I’m a hot fucking mess.
It was crazy, but guilt hit me.
Was it fair that he loved me so much—a woman with a fragmented mind?
Did I truly deserve his love?
His patience?
Here I was—a mosaic of identities, each with its own perspectives and memories, a collective soul housed within a single body.
And he doesn’t care?
Sighing, I decided to get Kaz a blanket.
I quietly made my way to Paolo’s bedroom.
The door creaked open, a soft whisper cutting through the silence. The room was heavy with the scent of candy and cookies.
Baba spoiled the shit out of you today? Didn’t she?
Among my little baby’s sleeping form, his night nanny snoozed on her cot by the bed.
Gently, I picked up a woolen blanket from a dresser by his bed and then watched Paolo.
He slept soundly. His long hair framed his face in a picture of angelic peace.
As I observed him, another layer of doubt unfurled within me.
Did I deserve the love of this innocent soul, too?
My heart ached with the weight of this uncertainty.
Stop thinking that way.
With the blanket in hand, I quietly headed away and couldn’t resist a detour to Emilio’s room.
I peeked inside, careful not to wake him.
All my boys are knocked out.
One of his wet nurses rested on a small bed nearby.
I crept to the crib and studied Emilio. The sight of him, so small and pure, intensified the turmoil within me.
Can I be the mother you really need, when my own mind is a battleground of conflicting people?
My heart ached again.
With the blanket draped over my arm, I left the nursery and returned to where Kazimir slept.
God, I pray I deserve you.
I carefully placed the blanket over Kaz’s huge body. He stirred a little and then shifted to the side.
He was a muscular mountain under that blanket. His chiseled biceps made the cloth ripple with each snore-induced flex.
His hair, usually so precisely styled, was now tousled in a way that added to his rugged charm.
I couldn’t help but feel a familiar flutter in my heart. Kaz had this innate ability to captivate me, his physical allure intertwined with the depth and complexity of the man I had come to know so intimately.
It was a fleeting distraction from the emotional gravity of the moment, but a reminder of the undeniable connection that existed between us.
An involuntary smile tugged at my lips as I looked at him.
In the car, the fear of overwhelming him, of possibly pushing him away with the convoluted truths of my existence had been paralyzing.
As long as I had known Kaz, he had shown me nothing but strength and protection, but this was different. This was not just sharing a problem or a fear; this was sharing a fundamental shift in who I was—or who I thought I was.
Therefore, I had almost lied.
Thank God, I didn’t.
Kaz embraced me in all my complexity and madness when I couldn’t accept my own self.
He loves me. . .so. . .I’m going to keep letting him love me.
And yet here I was, still questioning his love.
One personality like Lunita might have been enough for him to swallow, but now there’s more.
Would he still love me after hearing that?
I drowned in embarrassment.
Stop. It doesn’t matter if I deserve Kaz, Max, Emilio, and Paolo.
A cold shiver ran through me.
I’m not going anywhere. You three. . .are all mine. I would fight someone over you all.
With that, I returned to my painting and put all my inner conflict on the canvas.