Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 140940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 705(@200wpm)___ 564(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 705(@200wpm)___ 564(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
The image was a knife twisting in my gut.
No. I have to think about something else.
I pushed the thoughts away and focused on the warmth of the water and the flicker of the candles.
The city whispered outside our window, a quiet hum carrying on its usual rhythm. The world hadn’t stopped to be in despair with me.
Not even for one fucking second.
It felt unfair.
For me, Max’s absence was a void.
A hole.
An empty space that echoed with his laughter and was tinged with the scent of his cologne.
I desperately missed him.
And the world just keeps fucking going on?
I looked at my hand and blinked at the joint between my fingers.
What?
So in shock, I didn’t even know where the joint came from that lay next to the tub.
Did I pick this up? Who gave it to me?
Regardless, I studied the neatly rolled joint. My fingers trembled slightly.
I turned to the right and saw a lighter.
Who brought that here?
Kaz watched me.
Swallowing, I grabbed the lighter, brought it to the joint’s end, lit it, and inhaled deeply, sucking until smoke filled my lungs.
That’s better. . .maybe. . .
I blinked and inhaled more over and over.
And Kaz studied me, saying nothing.
What is he thinking? Does he know that I am losing my mind?
Silent, he ran his hand through his wet hair.
Of course he knows I’m losing it. The only person that knows me better than Max is my lion.
The more I smoked, the more the space spun slightly around me.
I shivered and glanced to my left.
A glass of dark rum rested on the other side of the tub.
When did that get here?
I widened my eyes.
I’m losing moments.
I blinked several times.
Get it together. You can’t let Lunita rise up and cause more messed up things to happen tonight.
I picked up the glass of rum.
But. . .this will help.
In between puffs, I took a sip and welcomed the liquid burning down my throat.
Yes. I need to be numb.
I leaned back against the tub with the joint between my fingers.
A thin thread of smoke rose from the tip.
Kazimir watched me with an intense focus, and his body leaned towards me as if his every muscle were poised to rush to my way. “Do you need anything? I can call the staff to bring more.”
That’s who brought the things. . .I just don’t remember anyone coming in here.
“Mysh?”
“No, baby. This is good.” I took another drag.
Smoke curled inside me, and I hoped it would fill the empty spaces in my heart.
“Talk to me, mysh.”
The rum sat heavy in my stomach.
Part of me wished I could disappear into the fog of smoke and alcohol.
The joint burned lower, a glowing ember at the edge of my consciousness. I sipped the rum again, this time letting it linger on my tongue, tasting the sweetness and the burn.
Meanwhile, a heavy, fragrant cloud hovered over me.
Max, you would be proud. I’m quite. . .fucked up already.
I had to admit, the sharp edges of my despair were beginning to dull into a more bearable ache.
I exhaled smoke, and it felt like a small surrender.
I just need to be a little more. . .numb. . .
I put my attention back onto the rum.
This time I took a long gulp.
A warm path formed from my throat down to my stomach, spreading a deceptive sense of calm that I clung to greedily.
“Mysh?”
I put my focus back on my lion. “Yes, baby?”
Kaz studied me some more. “Talk to me. What is going on in your head?”
I licked my lips, already feeling intoxicated. “If I didn’t have you, Kaz, I would be butt naked, covered in blood, and in the streets doing a mass shooting on innocent people.”
“You just made my cock jerk.”
A smirk sliced through my sadness. “Something is wrong with you.”
The alcohol and the smoke intertwined within my body.
I knew this was no solution, that the morning would bring clarity and a resurgence of pain, but for now, I allowed myself to sink into the embrace of oblivion.
Watching me, Kaz held the beer close to him. “Do you still want to go to the dinner tomorrow?”
“Fuck yes.” Rage pulsed in my veins. “I want to see my enemy’s faces. I want to look them in their fucking eyes. I want to kill them.”
“Then, I will make sure Jean-Pierre understands that the dinner is still on.”
Fucking right it is on.
I swallowed down more rum and set it on the edge of the tub.
The combination of the rum’s fiery trail and the smoke’s sedative caress soothed my senses into a murky state of semi-awareness.
My body felt disconnected, almost as if I were watching it from a distance.
Steam rose from the surface of the water blurring the line between my skin and the air.
My lids drooped over my eyes. “If J.P. has our back here, I’m going to give him some of Kapotnya.”