Total pages in book: 179
Estimated words: 173733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 869(@200wpm)___ 695(@250wpm)___ 579(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 173733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 869(@200wpm)___ 695(@250wpm)___ 579(@300wpm)
“I talked this through with Reese, but let’s you and I try, too.”
For two full hours, we talk and talk, and talk some more, until there is nowhere else to go. “I think this will end us,” I say, voicing my biggest fear.
“Not if you love each other.”
“You don’t know how brutal my family is. They will make Reese hate me and I won’t be able to stop it.”
“You don’t give Reese credit if you believe that.”
“He’s brilliant. You’re right. I know. But so is my father.”
“Reese is younger, more agile in every way, and he’s in love. And love is powerful. While you are worrying about Reese, do you know what Reese is worried about?”
“What?”
“Your walls. That while you two are apart, you’ll find a way to shut him out.”
“I won’t. Not Reese. I want him to know that. Tell him I said that.”
“I can’t, Cat. Because for two years, all you have done is shut everyone out, even me. Julie is my best friend. You are as close to that as someone can be without being that because you go months without even calling me.”
“I know. I just—sometimes I deal with being alone by being alone.”
“But you’re not alone unless you make yourself alone,” Lauren says.
“My family shuts me out. I don’t shut them out.”
“Right. And you shut me out. Don’t do that to Reese. Don’t do that to me anymore.”
“I won’t,” I say. “I don’t want to. I might need you to shake me here or there. Old habits and all.”
“Do I have permission to shake you up if needed?”
“Yes, times one thousand.”
“Good. I will.”
I stand up. “I need to go get my things from his apartment. I have to deal with this and get home before I melt down.”
“Buy a stock of Ben and Jerry’s. I’ll be by to see you, and it helps anyway. Eat it. And I’ll bring Julie with me. She’s a good friend, Cat, and good friends get us through bad times.”
I hug her and I leave.
Thirty minutes later, I stand in my apartment—no, Reese’s apartment. I start packing up my things, but I decide, no. I’ll take only what I have to take. I’ll be back and soon, I hope. I fill a bag and then sit down on the chair where we often watch the sunset, and where we often just sit and talk. I’m going to miss this spot with him so much. My eyes prickle and I stand up before I melt down. My gaze goes to my nightstand where I have a pad and a pen. I walk to it and sit down, and on a blank page I write: I wish I was right HERE right NOW in huge letters. I tear off the page and set it on my pillow.
I then write him a note:
Reese,
There is no wall that could survive the force of how much I have fallen in love with you. My family is vicious. They will find a way to strip your license if they can. Don’t risk it. Don’t call. Phone records can be traced.
I left most of my things because I am coming back.
Love, Cat
Chapter thirty-eight
Reese
The first night apart…
Iwalk into my apartment and it is silent, empty, cold. Cat is gone. My phone rings and it’s my mother. Cat and I didn’t even talk about what to tell her. I answer the line and walk to the bar, and pour a stout drink, as I begin telling her everything.
“I don’t even know what to say,” she breathes out. “Yes, I do. She really loves you or she’d still be there, as backwards as that sounds. She’s worried about protecting you. She should be and you’re worried about—”
“Losing her.”
“You won’t. She loves you. That is so obvious. The kind of love a mother wants for all of her children.” She laughs bitterly. “And herself. Go solve this. You can. Focus. Do. Get your woman back.”
When we end that call, I’m reminded of how strong my mother is apart from my father, just not with him. Cat is strong with or without me. I need her to be strong without me now, and keep that damn wall down. I refill my glass before heading up the stairs. I walk into the bedroom and spot the note on her pillow. Adrenaline surges through me and I down the whiskey before I pick up it up to read: I wish I was right HERE right NOW. “Me too, sweetheart,” I murmur, before lifting the second piece of paper. I sit down and read it, emotions punching through me.
She’s coming back. I hope like fuck she still says that when this is over.
I consider buying disposable phones and sending her one. We could talk, but she will ask questions and worry about every move I make. I have to do what I have to do to ensure her family doesn’t ruin me and us. I need a level head, not an emotional one.