Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 103661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 518(@200wpm)___ 415(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 518(@200wpm)___ 415(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
I don't either.
"I haven't let anyone get close in a long time. Only Addie. And even then… there's so much she doesn't know."
"Like this?"
She nods. "She has some idea… but not the extent."
"Everyone tries to protect their family."
"Maybe." Under the water, she slides her arm around my waist. "But there's something else too. I want to protect myself. I don't want her to see me differently. Think I'm a whore. Or a sellout."
"Would she?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. But she… she wouldn't like how much I've kept things from her. How much I've tried to shield her. I don't like it either. I'm treating her like a child when she's four minutes younger. I'm not her mom. I don't want to be anyone's mom."
"Now or ever?"
"Ever." She laughs, but it's not easy. "Is that a deal breaker? For the next two weeks?"
"I won't say that you might change your mind—"
"But I might change my mind?"
"Maybe not that. I never did. Laura either." Her name makes my chest tense. "But I guess that changed."
Her eyes stay on me.
"That's part of what Ty had to tell me. She… she still owns part of one of our companies. Marital property. She wouldn't let me buy her out in the divorce. She's changed her mind."
"Because she's having a…"
"Yes."
"Oh." Sympathy fills her expression. "That's a lot. I'm sorry."
"I'm happy for her."
"Really?"
"No. But I want to be."
"I don't know… if someone cheated on me… I don't know if I'd ever want the best for them. That's very mature."
"I'm very old."
Her laugh is easy. "It's better for you. To forgive. That's what Addie always tells me about our father. But I can't. He's done so much to hurt us. To hurt her. It's not the same, but… I understand the hesitation."
She does. She's not just saying that. The way people do.
Not that I give anyone the chance.
I only talk to Ty.
She looks up at me, vulnerability in her eyes. She wants to offer her trust. To ask for mine. "How long was it going on?"
"A year and a half. Maybe two."
"Fuck." Her eyes soften. Not the pity that makes me sick. This need to know more. To understand. "How long were you married?"
"Almost nine years."
"Fuck. I just said that, didn't I?"
I nod. "It went fast."
"That's a really long time."
"It is."
"She must… no wonder you… your brother said something to me. About how I needed to give you a chance even though you'd ask for too much. Even though it wouldn't sound fair. I didn't really get what he meant. I'm not sure I do now. Maybe you understand it."
No, but I can guess. Either he's talking about Laura or Eve's site. Trying to explain why—"I don't trust easily."
"It's hard for me. And I…" Her fingers curl into my back. "That's a long time to love someone. To wake up next to them. To lose that… not the betrayal or the rejection. Just that… it would kill me if I couldn't wake up in the same apartment as Addie anymore."
"You won't always."
"I know. I hate it. I hate that she'll eventually move in with her girlfriend. Or go to grad school across the country. Or decide she wants to be on her own. But, even then, I'll still have her. I'll still be able to call her and visit her and hug her and tease her about ordering channa masala again… Fuck. I know I just said that. But fuck." She moves closer. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you."
"If she'd betrayed me… rejected me… if I found out she'd been lying to me for two fucking years. It's not the same, I know, but… fuck."
My laugh feels strange. Wrong and right at the same time.
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine how much that would hurt… the one person who loved me, understood me, knew all my scars… for them to do that…" Her eyes meet mine. "You try to hide it. But it's there."
"I don't hide it."
"Do you really believe that?"
"No."
Her eyes flutter closed. Her lips find mine. It's different than the way she normally kisses me. Still soft and slow, but less yielding.
She's the one claiming me.
She's the one looking for something deep inside me.
I want to give it to her.
All of it.
So I kiss her back with everything I have. I guide her out of the pool, lift her into my arms, carry her to the couch.
And right there, still sopping wet and sticky, I pull her body onto mine.
It's soft, sweet, slow.
Terrifying.
Exhilarating.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Eve
We make dinner together. Fresh pasta. With shrimp, olive oil, oregano. Then chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.
It's agony waiting for the chocolate to set—even when we put it in the fridge—but it's worth it for the perfect mix of rich and sweet.
A quiet night. We're both in our pajamas—Ian in actual, honest to goodness pajamas—tangled on the couch, watching a classic film. Roman Holiday. Because I need a European education, he teases.