Total pages in book: 183
Estimated words: 174715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 874(@200wpm)___ 699(@250wpm)___ 582(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 174715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 874(@200wpm)___ 699(@250wpm)___ 582(@300wpm)
“Hurry back.”
“I will,” she whispers, the humor of moments before gone. She stands up and rushes away.
I stand up and walk into the closet and pull on a pair of pajama bottoms before I pursue Lori, finding the bathroom door shut. I inhale and remind myself to give her space, but after ten minutes, I knock. “You okay in there?”
She opens the door, her dark hair wild from my fingers, but her tears are gone, her smudged make-up with them. “Yes. I’m okay.”
I reach out and snag her fingers. “Come talk to me,” I say, walking backward until I know she’s agreed.
She nods and I lead her back to that lounge-style chair, seating us side by side, staring out at the inky skyline twinkling with a mix of stars and city lights. “I don’t know what that was,” she whispers.
“Everything,” I say. “That was everything finally happening.”
She looks over at me. “It was, wasn’t it?”
I reach over and stroke a piece of hair from her eyes. “Yes. You needed that. I want you to know that you the strongest person I know, but with me, you let down your guard. And I won’t ever betray that, I’ll never hurt you. I’m not ever going to let you down. I’m not ever going to judge you. I’m never going to think because you admit what you feel, or need me, that you are weak or a different person.”
“I don’t know if I even know how to do that. The way I’ve dealt with the hard stuff in life is just to make it go away. Charge forward. Don’t look back.”
“You mean, like me, you shove it all in a box, and then that box pops open without your permission, like mine did. Give it permission, and let’s deal with it. What are those things in your box?”
“My father. What my father did to us still eats me alive. It affected me with you at first, but you’re you. It doesn’t anymore.”
“Are you sure about that? Because after your attack, you pulled that wall back up.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did,” I say. “And that’s my fault. I had my struggles and you did what you do. You stand strong for everyone else. Let’s both try standing together to be strong.”
“We do,” she whispers. “Cole, I have never felt so complete with someone, as I do with you.”
“As I do you, Lori, but that doesn’t mean that years of fears and conditioning just go away. We have to work at this. I know I do, and I am. I told you about my mother. I haven’t told that story to anyone else.”
“I am not holding back.”
“And yet you haven’t reacted to your attack, not until tonight.”
“The attack—I just put it in that box, but I don’t remember making that decision. There were other things to face. Other things to worry about.”
“You mean me.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It’s in the box, Lori. It’s going to come out.”
“It’s not. If I’m honest, it made me feel out of control, so I dealt with it. I shoved it aside, but I wasn’t hurt or raped or anything like that. It’s solidly buried.”
“Lori,” I begin but she leans forward and kisses me.
“If it does come back,” she says, crawling onto my lap, straddling me, her hands on my face, “I’ll tell you right away. I promise, but you have to give me room to breathe. When you’re nervous, I get nervous, too. When you hold on so tightly, I feel like I need a shield. I don’t know how we balance this out.”
“Together,” I say. “We need to talk like this. We need to do it together.”
“Together,” she whispers, and I decide I’ve cracked that wall, even if I haven’t fully lifted it, while she’s reminded me that I have to control my demons that I know are feeding hers.
I unbutton my shirt that she’s still wearing, sliding my hand up her back, molding her to me. “I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.” Our lips collide and this time we make love, passionate, gentle, but no less fierce. We kiss, we touch, we repeat and when I enter her, her body rocking with mine, I feel her right there with me, all of her. I’m going to make damn sure it stays that way.
Morning comes too early considering I want to keep Lori in bed, but after showering together, her light mood and eagerness to dive into work, hunt down a new case, and get us back into the swing of things, is contagious. We’ve stopped in a coffee shop, waiting on our order when she turns to me, her glossy pink lips inviting me to kiss them. “About that book Cat wants us to write,” she says.
Now I just want to take her home, fuck her, and make her forget that damn book and this case that has become hell. Instead, I say, “You really want to do it, don’t you?”