Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Okay.”
“You’re loyal to him. I like that.” She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her hand shook as she reached out and picked up the glass of water and took a few small sips before she curled up on the couch, lying on her side.
And Van sat at the end, waiting. Watching. Keeping vigil because he knew the woman next to him meant everything in the world to Shane.
“The first time or two, I thought you were Ryan.”
A twinge of jealousy pinched at Van’s chest. He wanted everyone to know it was him with Shane.
“Then I remembered your car. You’ve been spending time with Shane. A lot of it.”
He had to tread real fucking lightly there. He wanted to be honest with her. She deserved that, but he also had a responsibility to Shane as well. It wasn’t his place to tell her anything.
“I have.”
“Good,” she whispered. “That’s good. He deserves it.” She was quiet a moment. She rubbed a finger over her wrist. “I want him to be happy. God, I want him to be happy.”
“He is,” Van told her, because he was. Did he want more? Yes, but he was happy.
“He deserves more.”
“He loves you,” Van countered.
“He deserves more,” she said again.
He shifted, uncomfortable. “He loves you. He loves Last Chance. He’s happy.” And then because he knew he needed to make sure she understood, he said, “I’m here temporarily. I live in Los Angeles.”
“Are you happy there?” she asked.
“Yes,” he answered instantly. And he was but…he wasn’t a hundred percent fulfilled. He hadn’t realized it until that moment, sitting there with Shane’s mom.
“I know what you must think of me.”
“That you’re a good mom who loves her son? That you would do anything for him? That you raised him to be a good man who would also do anything for someone he loves? That’s what I think of you, Mrs.—”
“Annie,” she cut him off. “Please, call me Annie.”
“Annie.”
“You have to wonder though, what Shane’s life would be like if he didn’t take care of me. I wonder it every day myself. And sometimes things are good for a long time…and others, they’re not. It hits me all of a sudden and I’m always looking for a reason but there aren’t any. That’s what people don’t always get about mental illness. A lot of times, there isn’t a reason. Nothing happened to make you sad, lonely. To make you feel like you’re not worthy. To make your brain betray you, and panic to hit you when you leave the house. It’s just the way it is. I want to fix it. God, I want to fix it for him.” A tear slipped from her eye and she quickly wiped it away.
After a moment, she continued. “I try. I want you to know, I try. And that I love him. I love him more than I love myself.”
“There was never a doubt in my mind,” Van answered honestly. “He’s too good to have come from someone who didn’t love as completely as he does.”
More tears flowed then. She tried to fight them but lost. Van got her some tissue and let her cry. He held her while she did so.
“Are you in love with him?” she asked when her tears stopped.
“I don’t know,” he answered. “It hasn’t been long.” Less than two weeks. How could he have only been in Shane’s life for less than two weeks?
“So? If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that time doesn’t account for much. It’s been years since mental illness took over my life, I should be better by now. What’s wrong with me that I’m not? It had been years that I was with Shane’s dad, and he still left. It’s only been days or weeks or months, how can you fall in love so quickly? We don’t all run on the same internal schedule. We don’t fall in love or out of love in the same amount of time. People put too much stock into the right time. There’s no right time for anything.”
He thought for a moment. Looked at her and saw Shane’s eyes. Thought about the talks they had and the way Shane cared for his mom. The way he looked at Van like he could see inside him. The connection he felt. The loneliness there. The passionate way Shane loved. That loyalty, and said, “I could. I think I could love him very easily. Shh. Don’t tell him that. He doesn’t know.”
She laughed, which was exactly what they both needed.
“And that’s him?” she nodded toward the painting and damned if Van’s face didn’t get hot. He hadn’t expected to talk to Shane’s mom about a painting of the two of them naked together.
“It could be.” He winked and she laughed again. “I’ll have one for you soon. I haven’t forgotten.”