Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Shane stopped. Watched Van. Felt his heart race. Almost couldn’t breathe. The kindness Van showed his mom…there was nothing like it. It filled Shane’s chest, his heart.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re kind to her.”
“She was kind to me too.”
“It’s different. I…” He didn’t know what to say.
“Shh,” Van told him. “Don’t go thanking me for that again. I like her. I like you.”
“My father left,” Shane admitted. “Left because he couldn’t handle it. He was her husband. That’s why I can never leave her too.” His dad left. Caleb left, even though it hadn’t been his choice. Most everyone left.
“I’m sorry about your dad.” Van walked over, slid his hand behind Shane’s head, and pulled him close to press a kiss to his lips. “She didn’t deserve that. You didn’t either.”
No, but it was a fact of life. “Thanks,” he replied. “Now, let’s eat. I’m fucking starved.” He hadn’t meant to bring the mood down.
They sat at the table together, eating pizza, drinking beer, and talking about any stupid shit that didn’t matter. Those were sometimes the best kinds of conversations. Where you didn’t feel obligated to hit certain talking points or hell, even to talk at all. They were comfortable, those kinds of conversations…few and far between, but he had them with Van.
When they finished, the two of them rinsed off their plates together and put them in the dishwasher.
As they stood in the kitchen, in front of the sink, Van put his hands on Shane’s hips and said, “You wanna see your photos or what?”
Shane’s stomach rolled over a few times. He did but said, “I’m not so sure. Do I?”
Van frowned. “Wrong answer. Try again.”
“I thought you’d never ask?” Shane grinned because it was impossible not to smile around Van. He was hypnotizing, but not for all the reasons he thought everyone else used to obsess about him. Because he was so damn real and so damn kind.
“That’s better. And I’m telling you, you really want to see them, Shane. They’re beautiful. I’m proud of them in a way I haven’t been in a long while.”
Which, of course, totally helped Shane’s nerves. Or you know, it didn’t. “Let’s see them then.”
Van grabbed his laptop case and the two of them sat at the table again. Shane waited for Van’s computer to load. He pulled up a folder that said, “Shane,” which was a ridiculous thing for him to notice because it was his name, so what the fuck else would Van call the folder?
“You scroll through them.” Van slid his laptop closer to Shane.
He clicked on the first picture and…. “It’s me.”
“No shit. You were expecting someone else?”
“Smart ass.”
“I prefer tight ass…sexy ass…or hey, Van, can I fuck your ass?”
Shane rolled his eyes but laughed, before clicking the arrow to go to the next image. The first ones were the playful, candid shots. From there Shane saw himself on the bed, saw the pillows around him and his body positioned the way Van had told him to move. He looked…shit, he looked good. Natural. Comfortable. “I don’t look like me,” he said softly, even though he knew that was crazy.
“Yeah, you do. We never see ourselves clearly, Shane. I promise you, that’s exactly what you look like—sexy and confident. Unsure, but so damn hungry for more. Like you’ve seen too much and not enough at the same time. It’s incredible, really.”
Shane scoffed. “Going a little overboard, don’t you think?” He didn’t know how Van could see that many things in him, but he wanted it. Wanted to be a combination of what Van said.
“No,” he answered sincerely. “Get to the naked ones. I want to look at the naked ones with you.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t want to look at naked images of me?” Van placed his hand on Shane’s thigh. “Aww, I’m crushed.”
“You’re fishing for a compliment and I’m not going to give you one. Now be quiet if you want me to keep going. You’re distracting me.”
“You’re stalling.”
“Whatever,” Shane replied but maybe he was. He clicked a little more quickly through the next few. Saw the progression from Van warming him up, easing him into it.
And when he got to the first image of his naked body splayed across the bed…a loud laugh jumped out of his mouth. “This is weird. Holy shit, I look like an idiot. I look like I’m trying to seduce you or something.” He sure as shit didn’t feel as though he compared to the other models whose photographs Van has shared with him.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t look like you’re trying to seduce anything. You fucking are seducing me. The camera. Whoever the fuck looks at this and you’re not trying, Shane. You’re just…you. The way you always have been.”
“I assure you, I haven’t been naked on film before.”