Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 62710 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62710 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
I’ve been strong until now.
Crying hard, I reach for my phone. I need someone to talk to. I need someone here. This is too much for me to process right now.
I dial Luna.
She answers on the second ring, and the moment she hears my hysterical sobs, she immediately tells me she’ll be right there. I don’t even need to say a single word and she knows I need her, that’s the kind of friend she has become. Forcing myself to leave the bathroom, test in hand, I go out and wait for Luna to arrive.
She does, only ten minutes later.
She bursts through the front door, her eyes wide, ready to take down whatever has hurt me. Her eyes scan my face and then settle on the test in my hand, and she knows, she knows even without me saying one single thing. Her shoulders drop and she rushes over, throwing her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“This can’t be happening to me,” I cry. “Not with everything. Not with ... him.”
“I know, I know. Shhh.”
She hangs onto me until my sobbing turns into soft hiccups, and then she leads me over to the sofa and sits me down, facing me, her hands curling around mine. “Does he know?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“That’s okay. That choice is yours to make. Right now, all you need to do is process. After that, you need to go to a doctor and have them confirm this. Then, you decide what you’re going to do. One step at a time, and however long it takes you to get through each step is entirely up to you. Nobody can force this.”
“I can’t have a baby with him, Luna. I can’t. I ... I’m so damned hurt. He has broken me. He’s ... not a good man.”
If only she knew what I knew.
“That is also your choice to make, but you don’t have to make it now. Right now, you’re going to have a shower, and I’m going to make you some tea. Then, we’re going to just get through tonight.”
What did I do to deserve her?
I lean forward, hugging her tightly.
She ushers me to the shower, and I stand under it for a long time, trying to calm my racing heart. It helps, and after a while with the hot water running over me, I manage to keep it together long enough to get changed and meet Luna downstairs. She has set up the sofa with tea, chocolate, and popcorn, and is putting a movie on. I am thankful to whoever brought her to me, because she has become such an important part of my life.
“I didn’t know which chocolate was your favorite, so I got it all.” Luna gives me a gentle smile as she lifts a blanket, nodding for me to sit beneath it. I hop down onto the sofa, and she puts the blanket over my lap, then she joins me, playing a movie and handing me some chocolate.
I take it, zoning out as the movie plays.
Over and over, all I can think about is the child growing inside of me. The child that belongs to a man I’m so in love with but have recognized is not safe or healthy for me. How am I supposed to bring a child into my world, when the father isn’t going to be the man I need him to be? At the same time, how can I make any other choice, knowing that I would never forgive myself.
What am I going to do?
How do I fix this?
Do I just run away and never tell Western?
That feels wrong, even just thinking about it.
I know I could never actually do it.
So what options does that give me?
Not many that I can see working in the long run.
I feel trapped, backed into a corner.
I place my hand against my stomach, and the tears burn under my eyelids once more. A baby. I have a baby inside me. I don’t know how I’m going to cope moving forward, but the overwhelming feeling inside, the desperate need to try and love this baby, is almost crippling. Like an automatic instinct, beyond even the fear.
What the hell am I going to do now?
12
I’m going to tell him.
Days I’ve processed, and no matter how much I’ve tried, I can’t seem to find a valid reason not to tell him. Perhaps he will have an option I haven’t thought of, or maybe he’ll outright refuse to be part of it, giving me no choice but to go out and do it on my own. One thing is for sure, I’m keeping this baby. I can’t live with myself if I don’t. That doesn’t mean I think it’s wrong to take the other road, of course I don’t, but for me, I just know how it’ll impact my life.