Total pages in book: 187
Estimated words: 177397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 887(@200wpm)___ 710(@250wpm)___ 591(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 177397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 887(@200wpm)___ 710(@250wpm)___ 591(@300wpm)
“That’s not true. He’s just confused.” Her eyes flick up to a camera dangling above us before she moves our conversation down the hallway. “If you want to help him, you need to appease the people controlling both his emotions and actions.”
I fan my arms out. Did she miss the part when I said I married a man I’m meant to hate? “I’ve done everything I can. I have no other way to assuage them.”
I balk, startled when she whispers, “You could get pregnant for real.”
“Whatever do you mean? I am pregnant.” And suddenly the worst liar in the world.
Anoushka rolls her eyes, lowering the age bracket I placed her in from sixties to fifties. “Mr. Dokovic is a shrewd, ruthless man, but he is old school. He would have completely skipped over your friend’s confession that she gave you fertility treatment. The federation is far more observant. They would have canceled Zakhar’s operation purely on speculation that you lied. If you prove to them that you meant no malice with an actual pregnancy, they will reschedule his transplant.”
Hope dissipates before I can latch on to it. “I wish I could do that, but I can’t. For one, Andrik looks at me as if I am mud under his boot.” When she attempts to interrupt me, I talk faster, too hurt to remain quiet. “And two, I can’t physically get pregnant. I’m… I’m infertile.”
She looks genuinely devastated for me, though it only halts her campaign for half a second. “There are ways you can still get pregnant. Mikhail’s mother did IVF many years ago. With modern advancements, I’m sure you have options.”
“I do, but they take time. That isn’t in our favor. Even now, IVF can stretch from two to twelve weeks. You have consultation appointments, the commencement of treatment, ovulation stimulation, trigger injections, and then the egg retrieval. It isn’t as easy as it sounds.”
My senses smack back into me ten seconds too late.
I blubber when I’m snowed under, and that was a doozy.
Hating Anoushka’s shocked expression, I attempt to smooth it over. “I was extremely hungry, young, and desperate.” Nothing but shame resonates in my tone. “I also figured if I had no use for my eggs, why not give them to someone who needed them?” My exhale ruffles Anoushka’s hair. “I never saw them as my children. I just saw them as my failures.”
Anoushka gathers my hand in hers and squeezes it. “Was the option of egg retrieval never given to you when you were diagnosed as infertile?”
My headshake is weak. I don’t want more stupid tears to fall. “No. It was never discussed because I never gave any indication to Dr. Hemway that I was interested in having children.”
“That didn’t change as you got older?”
“It did, but…” Over constantly taking the easy way out, I murmur, “But I would have had to show up to appointments for him to know that.” I stray my eyes to Zakhar’s bedroom door. “I also never really thought about it until now. An hour with Zakhar has me craving things I’ve never wanted.”
As did every minute I spent with Andrik, though I keep that snippet of information to myself.
I often dreamed over the past several months how different our relationship could have been if he hadn’t learned I was infertile. Would he have picked me? Would he have asked for my help to get the answers he was seeking? I want to say nothing would have changed, but my ego won’t allow me.
We had a connection ferocious enough to scald anyone within a five-mile radius of it.
It just burned out far sooner than I had predicted.
“I think I might go lie down. I’m feeling a little woozy. I didn’t sleep much last night. With the wedding, and then the…” I hook my thumb to Zak’s door. “I’m exhausted.” It is more an emotional exhaustion than physical, but once again, that can remain between us.
Anoushka smiles gently, soundlessly announcing she is aware of the cause of my tiredness. “Do you want me to wake you for dinner?”
“No, that’s fine. I’m not hungry.” I walk partway down the hall so she won’t see my cowardly face when I say, “If you see Andrik before me, can you tell him my mother knows Zakhar’s mother? They’ve met previously. Perhaps more than once.”
Anoushka’s shocked huff rustles in my ears before she murmurs, “I think he’d rather hear it from you.”
This kills me to say, but it is honest. “He will believe it more if it comes from you. I’m not exactly deserving of his faith right now.”
“And you think he is worthy of yours?” She waits for me to face her before saying, “He’s lied too, but that doesn’t mean either of you are unworthy of forgiveness.” Her eyes glisten. “You just need to forgive yourselves first because that guilt is the only thing holding you both back right now.”