Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 108119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 541(@200wpm)___ 432(@250wpm)___ 360(@300wpm)
“Andrei?”
I will never forget the minute — the second — he went from being vulnerable to the man I’d met before, the one with the masks and the faces. Only this time I could see the visual struggle, could feel every muscle tense in his body like his heart was fighting his mind.
And all I kept thinking was don’t. Don’t give in. Stay with me, Dear God please stay with me.
But this was Andrei.
He didn’t.
He left.
It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen, watching Andrei Petrov look at me with an empty smile and whisper, “Let me make you food and we can talk about this later.”
I had given him everything I had.
And he was dismissing me.
Dismissing us.
The mattress moved, just enough for me to pay attention as I glanced down at our feet and noticed his tapping against an invisible surface.
And all I could think about was one word.
Lie.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Andrei
I had wine and cheese delivered and brought it into the bedroom, a room I never wanted to leave.
And that was the problem.
The minute you expose every vulnerability you have to someone, you give them every fucking tell and you can’t hide, and you don’t want to because when they accept you, you feel safe.
And I felt safe.
With her, I felt the safest I’d ever felt.
And I both loathed and loved her for it.
She had no idea the power she had, the struggle I was dealing with in trying to stay sane and not tell her the whole sordid mess I was in.
Because I knew it wouldn’t end the way either of us wanted it to, I knew if I fought for her, she could die. I wouldn’t risk her life. Only mine.
They wouldn’t accept her.
Would rather kill her than let her marry me even though they had no idea I’d never marry, because I’d already pledged my vows to her, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t legal, because in my heart, my soul, it was as real as marriage would get.
I was hers.
She was mine.
“You’d tell me, if something was wrong, right?” Alice took a long sip of wine and stared at me over the glass rim. “Andrei?”
“No,” I said honestly, my voice felt cold, off. I was protecting her. I was doing the right thing. “I would not.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Can I ask why? Do you still not trust me?”
I loved the way her eyes flashed with anger. God, I loved it even when her anger was directed at me. Damn it, I was gone, wasn’t I? If I would accept a slap from that perfect hand, smile afterward, and beg for more?
“Because telling you too much puts you in danger, so no I won’t tell you if something’s wrong because I want you to trust me to protect you the only way I’m capable of protecting you. Everything I do is for you, that’s all you need to know.”
Her shoulders slumped as she looked away. “You put it back on.”
“What?”
“Not your gloves, and I can’t explain it, but it’s like when you were with me, you’re with me, mind, body, soul, and then afterward you just slipped into something not you. Something indifferent. I don’t like it.”
I hung my head. “Come here.”
She didn’t move.
I set her wine on the nightstand, moved her plate, and pulled her into my arms. “What if I told you we have twenty-four hours? Would you panic or use them?”
“Both.”
I felt my body seize with the truth as I slowly glanced over at the clock by my bedside. I did the mental calculations. I hated math. I hated this war. I hated everything but her. “We have eighteen. Eighteen hours and this ends, not because I want it to, but because it’s the only way to keep you safe. Forgive me, please, for wanting you too much. Forgive me for wanting it to be you, my one and only lover. Mine.”
She turned in my arms and pressed her face against my neck. “Why?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“What do you mean?”
I sighed as the truth fell from my lips. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her face. She had taken that from me too. I was glad. I didn’t want to be known as a liar like my dad. I was glad she had taken away at least one mask. “I’ll be sending you away.”
She reared back and slapped me across the face. Deserved. Very much deserved. I flinched, but I knew she needed to get it out, so I faced her again and waited for another slap.
Tears filled her eyes.
I gripped her hands between mine and rubbed my thumb across her skin. “I will not apologize for keeping you safe.”
“You can keep me safe!”
I felt my face fall, my facade crack. “Dorogaya, not from this, not from this.” Tears stung my eyes. They made me hate my own bloodline, both of them, they made me hate despite the love staring back at me. But I couldn’t start another war. This one… I knew I would not win. Five families against a broken Russian one.