Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
I bite my lip, glaring at him. Hate flares again, but this time, the heat’s not directed at Jayson. “You say that like you did me a favor. Like killing Papa was a good thing.”
“I know you can’t see it and you won’t ever forgive me for it, but I did what your father forced me to do. I paid him back for what he did to me, and I won’t feel sorry for it, even if you’ll go on hating me.”
“You’re right,” I tell him, blinking back tears. “I will go on hating you for it. You can make a million excuses, but you killed my father, and I can’t let it go.”
He nods slowly. “We both lost. That’s what I’m trying to make you see.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should.”
“Why? Why should I bother?”
“Because you and I are the same.”
I let that sink in. I shake my head, unwilling to accept it, even if I can see echoes of the truth in what he’s saying. “I didn’t have anything to do with your friend’s death. You see the difference? You ordered that bomb. You made them plant it. I didn’t pull any triggers.”
“No, but your family did, and you’re a part of them. That makes you complicit, even if you think you’re not. I don’t hate you, Fallon. Not the way I did at first, because I can see that you’re a victim in all this. I can see how much you’ve been hurt. I’m only asking that you see it too.”
“I’ll never see you as a victim.”
He touches my leg. I wish I could recoil. His hand is large and warm. “Not me, little fox.” He gets up and turns away. “I’ll see you tonight. Get some rest.” Then he leaves and I’m alone with echoes of his story rolling down my spine, and I know I’m not getting more sleep today.
Chapter 21
Jayson
I meet Conlan and Erick down in the main lobby. “Gonna miss you, bro,” Conlan says, giving me a quick hug and a slap on the back.
I repeat the ritual with Erick, though he’s much more reserved. All he says is, “Be nice to the girl.”
I keep thinking about Fallon’s face as I told her the story of Jackson’s death. That same story which haunts me. I’ve been through plenty, done violence, seen terrible things, but losing Jackson cracked something in me. It shifted a tectonic plate I didn’t know could move, and now I’m irrevocably a different man. The before-death and the after. I look at my family with new eyes, and I wish I was strong enough to tell them how I feel.
Instead, I bury it. That’s what a man does. A monster keeps it inside, and that’s what we’re meant to be.
Adler and Casey come down next to say their goodbyes followed by Isabel and Hellie. The children are paraded around by harried-looking nannies; one-year-old Luca teetering about, new to walking, and two-year-old Tessa on the verge of crying already. Hellie scoops the little baby boy up in her arms while the little girl clings to Isabel.
I say my goodbyes to them. I hug the kids, kiss their heads, even if they barely know who I am, and do the same for the wives. “I’ll miss this place,” Isabel admits. “Be nice to Fallon.”
“That’s what Erick said too.”
“Smart man.” She smacks Conlan’s arm. “How come you didn’t say it?”
“Sorry, my beautiful wife.” He kisses her cheek. “I’m subtle. I planned on texting him.”
She rolls her eyes but kisses him back. He scoops Tessa into his arms and carries her off toward the waiting car.
“Seriously, be good to her,” Hellie says, lingering as the others leave.
I give her little boy a squeeze on the foot and he laughs. “I’m trying.”
“It’s not hard to be nice, you know.”
“Things are complicated.”
“You like her. I can tell you do.” Hellie leans closer. I give Luca a kiss on the head. He laughs again. “She likes you too.”
“Just this morning she reiterated how that definitely isn’t true.”
“Like you said, things are complicated, but you’ll get over it if you don’t let the past ruin what you have.”
“Which is what, exactly?”
“I don’t know. The start of something good? I just paint stuff, dude. Go talk to a relationship counselor. See you!” With that, Hellie exits, and I watch my brothers and their families get packed into private cars before they’re driven to the airport.
Adler’s waiting in the lobby. Casey limps off with a wave, headed for the high-rollers area and an afternoon of dealing.
“Happy they’re gone?” he asks me.
“Not really.”
“I thought you would be since now you’ll have four fewer people getting into your business.”
“They mean well.” I glance back toward the doors. “But sometimes it feels like we’re in different worlds.”
“You went through something.” Adler squeezes my shoulder. “You’re still dealing with it.”