Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
They didn’t lose friends and soldiers. They didn’t live with death for two long, hard years, only to get asked to marry one of the enemy.
“You’re right, we don’t know,” Conlan says at last, sounding subdued. “You know we’re here if you want to talk about the bad shit. Even though we’re supposed to act like big strong men, at least we can deal with it together. But all that doesn’t change your situation. Unless you plan on getting out of the deal, which will seriously piss off Adler in a really bad way, you’re going to marry that girl in a few days. There’s no reason to start your marriage like this.”
“He’s right,” Erick mutters. “Minus talking. I’m not interested.”
I punch Erick’s arm, which only makes him shrug, then rub my face with both hands. How am I supposed to explain to them that I still hear the last breath rattle from Jackson’s chest? And when she’s around, my dead best friend is all I can think about? Like a ghost sitting at the edge of my bed, watching.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I tell them, resigned. “We had the meeting. It didn’t go well. Can we move on?”
Conlan exchanges a look with Erick, which annoys me to no end, but they eventually let me off the hook and talk about their families.
The conversation turns to diapers, no sleep, morning cuddles, and children’s stories. It’s strange, these two dangerous men turning to pieces because of a few children, but it’s not something I’ll ever experience. That isn’t for me, that future. At least I can listen to my brothers banter about being fathers, and I can ignore the strange hole in my chest filled with a yearning I didn’t know I could feel.
I’ve had girls. Plenty of girls. If I want to fuck, I can find someone to fuck. There have been relationships, but none that lasted more than a few weeks at most, none that really mattered.
But now I’m thirty-five and all my siblings have their partners and their kids. I’ve watched them from a distance form their family units, grow into real fucking adults, mature into parenthood, and a part of me wants something like that.
I know it’ll never happen. I’m marrying Fallon, and nothing’s going to change our relationship from a sham into what my brothers all have. She’ll always hate me, and I’ll always hate her, and I can forget about little redheaded babies running around.
It’s better off this way.
We share a few drinks, but soon Erick’s got to head back to check on his kid. He sidles off after patting my shoulder, leaving me alone with Conlan, who studies the bottom of his empty glass before squinting at me.
“You’re going to fuck this up, aren’t you?”
I lean forward on my elbows with a groan. “You’re back on the Fallon thing.”
“Well, it’s why we’re all here, you know that? Showing up for moral support, and to attend our older brother’s wedding.”
“Yes, thanks so much, what a good sport.”
“Don’t be a dick. There’s got to be something you like about the girl.”
“We spoke for all of two minutes out in the freezing cold. There was not.”
“Liar. Think hard. Come on, give me one thing you liked about her and I’ll stop mentioning it for an hour.”
“One whole hour? Lucky me.” I rip a bar napkin into shreds before saying, “She’s attractive.”
I regret it immediately. Conlan shouts a laugh and slaps my back hard.
“I fucking knew it,” he says. “Adler told me she was pretty, and you got this look on your face when I brought her up.”
“Fuck off. It’s not like that.”
“You want to sleep with your future wife, don’t you? Hey, don’t be ashamed, it’s only natural.”
“I am not ashamed,” I say through my teeth. “If I want to have that kind of relationship with her, I will.”
“Are you sure about that?” Conlan asks, softer now. “Because she might not feel the same.”
I bristle at the suggestion. Fallon was checking me out just like I was staring at her, but he’s got a point. Maybe giving her shit was a bad idea, at least if I want to have a physical relationship with her.
Which I don’t. This is a stupid hypothetical. She’s the enemy, and we’ll never sleep together. She all but said it already as she walked away in those tight skinny jeans, her lovely peach-shaped ass swaying from side to side a bit more than it needed to almost like she was wagging it at me, taunting me. Begging me to imagine driving my cock between her juicy thighs, fucking her into submission.
Fuck, I need to stop.
“I’m not interested in having anything with her, alright? You pushed me into saying something nice and I said something nice. She’s attractive. That’s all.”
“It’s a good start at least,” Conlan muses.