Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 93984 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93984 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
It wasn’t until they entered their second aisle in silence that Justin stopped with a huff and turned to face Gabriel.
“In case you’d been wondering, I’m gay,” he said, tossing up both hands in the air as if he were lightly throwing confetti over their heads.
Gabriel opened and closed his mouth again, words getting stuck in his throat. This was the moment where he told Justin that he didn’t care that Justin was gay because he was also gay, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say them. He wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed by being gay. It was just something that wasn’t said aloud.
In his experience, saying those words was akin to a death sentence. Maybe not here in the United States as much as it used to be, but still…
“Yes, I…” Gabriel started and then cleared his throat. “I guess I’m more surprised that you’d attempted dating someone seriously.”
And Gabriel hated himself just a little bit for that dodge. Justin was allowing him to stay in his house. He was taking a chance on Gabriel, trusting him when Gabriel had given him little reason to. Why couldn’t he say the words?
Tension rolled out of Justin’s shoulders as they slumped, and he playfully rolled his eyes. A half smile tugged at one corner of his mouth as he turned back toward the cart and resumed pushing it down the aisle.
“Yeah, dating. That was a mess.” Justin paused in front of boxes of pasta. He grabbed spaghetti while Gabriel snatched up lasagna and ziti. He had some quick and easy recipes in mind that were pretty damn filling.
“Don’t get me wrong. Chris is a nice guy,” Justin continued, adding a few jars of sauce to the cart before they strolled along. “We met at a Mardi Gras pub crawl. He’s easy to talk to, has a great laugh. Sex was great too.”
“Sounds perfect.”
Justin shrugged. “It was fun, but he’s the type who likes being in a serious relationship where there are sleepovers, and you’re open about everything.” Gabriel winced and Justin chuckled. “Exactly.”
There was no sharing everything in their business. What they did was highly illegal and incredibly dangerous. If someone had found out about Justin’s personal life, Chris could have been in danger.
But it was also about the idea that Justin would have to regularly put Chris second in his life for a job, but Chris would never understand why Justin wasn’t putting him first.
“Did you end it when he wanted too much?”
Justin shook his head as they headed down the coffee and breakfast foods aisle. “No, but I should have out of fairness to him. I liked him and we had fun together. I kind of liked the idea of seeing someone more seriously. At the end of a hard day, I could call him and we’d talk; he’d make me forget about all the shit I’d just gone through.”
The image alone slowed Gabriel’s steps and the grocery store drifted away. He slipped into that thought of having someone to talk to, someone who looked forward to hearing his voice. Or the same warm body waiting for him night after night. Hearing the happy sigh when Gabriel slipped into bed and wrapped his arm around him.
When the picture in his head finally resolved into a smiling, bare-chested Justin reaching for him, Gabriel blinked and shoved the thought aside. Tempting, but suicidal.
“Everything just sort of fell apart when he tried to sleep over at my place. I’d crashed at his place a couple of times, but having him there, in my space, was incredibly nerve-wracking. I couldn’t relax, couldn’t sleep. And he, naturally, took it personally.”
“I understand. If you’d like me to find a hotel—”
Gabriel’s words were cut off by a loud groan from Justin. He shoved his hand through his hair, grabbing and pulling it a little before releasing it again. “That’s the insane thing. I don’t feel nearly as on edge with you in the house as I did with him.” He stopped and pointed at Gabriel in the chest. “That’s not to say that I’m totally relaxed with you lurking around.”
“I don’t lurk.”
“Uh-huh.” Justin sounded utterly unconvinced. “I think the problem was that until he tried to sleep at my house, I’d believed that I was keeping the two parts of my life separate. When we hung out, I was Justin, the boyfriend. And when I was home…”
“You were Justin, the crazy assassin hacker.”
Justin glared at him. “A little louder next time. I don’t think the people in frozen foods heard you.”
“But having him in your house mixed your worlds.”
A disgruntled noise escaped Justin and he started walking again. “Nah, it made me realize that I was lying to myself. My worlds were always mixed. I didn’t stop being me just because I was out with him. I didn’t stop looking over my shoulder, watching for tails, and clocking every potential attacker when we were out. The only one who didn’t know it was Chris, and that wasn’t fair to him.”