Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 130758 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130758 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
I heard someone enter the room, assuming it was Lily, I didn’t move my gaze from the perusal of the waves. “God, I hope one day I’ll have enough of a hold on this addiction beast that I’ll be able to indulge in cheap crappy wine,” I exclaimed. “If not, just shoot me now.”
“I think my wife and best friend may object to that course of action,” a deep voice answered.
I moved my sheepish glance to Asher, who was leaning on the doorframe of the conservatory of his and Lily’s home. The place I’d come to consider my home. The only one I’d ever had. Where Faith lived in the walls, her paintings, her energy still holding her life force, despite the fact she was gone.
Asher had been careful around me since everything, keeping his distance as if he sensed my reluctance to have strong and dangerous males in my presence. Even now, he stayed leaning against the door.
I tried my best for a jaunty grin. “Jeez, ever heard of sarcasm? It’d be valuable to learn the distinction. I’d hate to think of the amount of people you’ve shot unnecessarily.”
He shook his head, not smiling. Then his face turned even more serious. “I’m proud of you, Bex.”
I gaped at him. “Proud of me?”
He nodded, walking forward to the windows to regard the wild ocean like I had been before. “For still findin’ the ability to say shit like that. For figurin’ out a way not to run back to the easy way out, even though no one would blame you if you did.” He turned to face me. “For getting through.”
I blinked at him. “Your pride is a little premature. I’m not exactly ‘through’ yet. I’m barely past the starting line.”
“You’ll get there,” he said with certainty.
Before this could get any deeper and we stared braiding each other’s hair, Lily came through with plates. She eyed us both. “I’ve got pie,” she declared.
“Then I’ll totally marry you if you ever decide to leave your biker and jump the fence,” I deadpanned.
She grinned at me. “Sorry, I kind of like him.”
Asher moved to his wife, taking the plates and setting them down so he could yank her into his arms and kiss her hair.
It was like a fucking shampoo commercial, the two of them so attractive and shit.
“Yeah, I kind of like him too,” I muttered.
Asher let her go and gave me a small smile. “I’ll go and watch the game, let you girls talk about… girl shit,” he said.
Lily rolled her eyes. “Girl shit?” she asked dangerously.
He motioned to the living room. “I’m leaving before any blood is spilled.”
He left and I laughed. Some of it was even genuine.
I took the pie Lily handed me. “He’s totally scared of you. The big biker who most likely chews bullets for fun is totally scared of his little wife.”
She grinned at me, chewing the pie. “It’s how any marriage should be,” she declared sagely.
I wanted to grin back, but I’d used up all my faux happiness for the night.
“I want it,” I confessed.
Lily focused on me, her face soft. “What, honey?”
“Everything,” I whispered. “I want to have some dumb nickname that only one man calls me and it mean everything. I also want my own name and not be belittled by a stupid term of endearment. I want to give my everything to him at the same time as owning every part of myself. I want him to take care of me and I never want to entrust my own survival to anyone else.” I blinked away the tears. “I want to sleep without nightmares. Heck, I just want to sleep. An entire night. I’m so fucking tired. I want to embrace oblivion without the fear of my own mind, and I want to do it the only place I feel safe, next to him. But I also want to be able to sleep that entire night alone with my demons and find a way to conquer them myself.” A single tear trailed down the side of my face. “But most of all, I want him. Pure and simple. And I’d give anything I have or will have to feel worthy of him. To be able to have him without feeling dirty and tarnished when I have him.”
Lily blinked at me and moved forward like she wanted to hug me, but caught herself when she realized my body stiffened at the potential contact. “You’re not dirty. Or tarnished,” she declared fiercely. “You’re strong. You’re my best friend. And you’re not allowed to say things like that. Ever. Not when you’re wrong. I’m so effing proud of you, Bex. I know for a fact Mom would be too,” she choked out, her eyes glistening.
I swallowed. “You and your hubby have one mind or something?” I asked, trying to break the tension. I couldn’t deal with all the pride and inspirational talk.