Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 141492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 707(@200wpm)___ 566(@250wpm)___ 472(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 707(@200wpm)___ 566(@250wpm)___ 472(@300wpm)
Safia let her breath out slowly. She was unsure how to reach him, how to make him understand that she had been part of that decision so long ago. She had helped to influence him. His Carpathian family had influenced him. Her family had. The tribe had. Other Carpathians had. He’d had less than a few seconds to make up his mind.
“None of those people matter,” he stated, making it known he was as much in her mind as she was in his. “I’m your lifemate. My first duty is to you. In my heart, in my soul, I chose you. My instinct was to choose you, yet somehow I was already attacking Lilith. I knew if I could remove her, we had a chance. A thousand times since I’ve recovered my memories I’ve wondered if I was so arrogant, I thought I could make it to you in time to save you.”
“Petru, think back. You believed your life would end. You thought you would have no chance and intended to destroy as many vampires as possible before you died. I read your intentions as you fought your way toward me. You were so far away, and there were so many enemies between us. They surrounded you, tore the skin off you with their teeth and claws, tried to get at your heart. Still, you came for me. We both knew you couldn’t make it in time. Eduardo deliberately taunted you.”
He scrubbed his hand down his face, trying to wipe the sight of her from his mind, but it was etched, that small child with her large eyes fixed on him, not one sound escaping, not even when the vampire sank his teeth into her.
“You believed, because you hadn’t claimed me, I would marry within my tribe and be happy when I was reborn. You didn’t think I would remember you. You are not to blame.” She knew it was impossible to remove his guilt. The demands of being a Carpathian lifemate were bred into him.
He gave her a faint self-loathing smile. “Do you understand how I am once again failing you by forcing you to become what you fear so quickly because I do not dare take the chance of waiting? You worry that I made a poor bargain with my lifemate. In reality, you are the one who has done so.”
“What exactly does it entail to become Carpathian other than exchanging blood? I didn’t find that in the least revolting, as you well know.” Safia didn’t believe for one moment that erotic exchange was all there was to it. “You very casually mentioned dying. That doesn’t sound too fun to me.”
“The conversion is very painful. I can help. The others will. I will ask Aura to aid us. But we can only help so much. No one can keep you from experiencing pain as your body is ridding itself of toxins and reshaping organs. The moment it is safe to do so, I will send you to sleep. You will finish the conversion while you are unaware.”
There was no expression on his face or in his voice. His features could have been carved in stone, but she was in his mind, and he couldn’t hide his emotions from her. He didn’t feel as if he had anything to offer her. Nothing at all. She found that interesting. She felt that way. He felt that way. Both felt unworthy of the other.
“Do you suppose, Petru, that the suggestion was planted in both of us, not just me, that we should feel shame? Or guilt? Or not worthy of the other? If Lilith could find a way to drive a wedge between us, even one of our own making, that would be a win for her, wouldn’t it? You might be distracted. You would be continually proving your loyalty to me rather than thinking of each battle. I would be wondering if you were going to sacrifice me again for the greater good. That would be her ultimate goal, right?”
The silvery liquid in Petru’s eyes heated and became the color of mercury. His gaze sharpened. Instantly, she felt pieces of a puzzle clicking into place in his brain. The speed at which his mind worked fascinated her.
“Interesting. I was certain Lilith had Eduardo imprint on you feelings that not only I but your family had abandoned you because you weren’t good enough. You’re just too extraordinary not to realize your self-worth. You have confidence in your fighting skills. You must be aware of the gifts you were born with, and yet you still have moments when you feel as if you aren’t worthy of being my lifemate.”
Safia couldn’t deny that was a fact. She nodded.
“It didn’t occur to me that Lilith managed to imprint on me that I was unworthy of you. It is the truth. I am the only Carpathian who has betrayed his lifemate in the history of our world. I am guilty. I am still leaving you without choices, even though I want to give you everything you deserve. Even if Lilith did manage to find a way to get to me, there is no way to deny that I am guilty.”