Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
The way I’m living right now isn’t a life. If there’s one thing being with Tatum taught me, it’s that I want more.
It’s no surprise her door is locked when I reach it. “Tatum. Open up. I need to talk to you.”
“Get away from that door.”
At least she’s talking to me. “Not until I say a few things.”
“Do you think I give a shit about anything you have to say now?” Her voice gets louder. She’s walking toward the door. “You had your chance.”
“I fucked up. I know I did.”
“Finally. You’re right about something.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgive me, but I wish you would. I’ve already wasted enough time telling myself we couldn’t be together. I don’t want to waste another minute of my life without you. Please open the door so we can talk.”
“What, Dad gave you permission? Did your master tell you it was allowed?”
I deserve that. Fuck, I’ve made so many mistakes. “It doesn’t have to do with him. It has to do with us. Open the goddamn door before I kick it down.”
“Oh. I’m so scared.” Still, the lock clicks. She doesn’t open it, though – she’ll oblige me, but only so much.
Right now, I’ll take whatever I can get. I ease the door open and am greeted by the sight of her packing. It seems random how she’s tossing items into boxes and bags.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“What does it look like? Knitting a sweater, obviously.” She has her back to me, but I notice the hand she drags under her eyes.
“Could you stop for a second so we can talk?”
“Why can’t you talk while I’m doing this? You might as well save your breath, anyway. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say tonight.”
“You’ve always been braver than me.”
She snorts before throwing a cold look my way. “Wow. Was that supposed to make me fall into your arms?”
“It’s a fact. You’re braver than I am. You walk straight into things. You make a decision, then you go for it. You had the balls to stand up to your father and tell him you… love me.”
She snorts. “Yeah. Not exactly sure what I was thinking with that one.”
“You were lying?”
She slows and finally comes to a stop, her head hanging low. “I almost wish I was.”
“I deserve that.”
She whirls on me, teeth bared, and for a second we’re back where we started. With her at my throat, ready to draw blood. “You’re goddamn right, you do. And you’re right about being a fucking coward, too. You’re afraid to feel things. You’re afraid to live.”
“I might have been,” I admit. It’s not easy to say, but pride is useless at a time like this. Look where it’s gotten me so far. “But I’m trying. And for what it’s worth – though you might think you hate me right now – I love you. I do love you. I’ve loved you for longer than I even knew I did.”
She lifts her chin, and I see the fresh tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s pretty convenient, figuring it out now.”
“You’re saying it doesn’t matter?”
“Of course it fucking matters, you idiot.” When I start to move toward her, she shakes her head and backs away. “It’s not that easy. You hurt me – again. And I keep letting you get away with it. I’m not doing it anymore. If you really care, you’ll have to show me with more than words this time.”
“What can I do? What do you need from me?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe you’ll have to figure it out.” I almost can’t believe my eyes when she turns away again. “You should go. I’m busy.”
That’s it? I come in here and tell her I love her, and she returns to packing? She’s never been easy – the furthest thing from it. But I thought for sure we could work things out. That I’d admit I was wrong, and we’d be happy. How could I have been so wrong?
When I leave the room, it’s not an act of cowardice. I’m not giving up. I’m giving her what she needs, no matter how much I fucking hate it. She wants me to show how I feel in my actions?
This is the first step.
CHAPTER 40
TATUM
“You’re sure you’re going to be alright here?”
It’s not easy to laugh at the question. I don’t feel much like laughing. “Sure. I have to finish packing, confirm the movers, and make sure the furniture’s on schedule for delivery. I won’t have time to miss you.” New Year’s Day is as good a time as any to make a new start.
And if there’s anything I need, it’s that.
A chilly breeze sweeps across the front courtyard. Bianca wraps her coat a little tighter around her swollen body and glances toward Romero‘s cottage. “Have you talked to him?”