Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
A glance toward his car told him there was no way he’d be able to follow if that were the case. His sedan was blocked on all sides by news vans and police cruisers.
Thankfully, Connelly turned the corner and found Azariah leaning against the brick wall, bent in half and hugging himself. The sight ripped Connelly’s heart right the fuck out of his chest and he hissed at the pain of it.
Azariah turned his head at the sound and his eyes went wide. A fraction of a second later he’d straightened and there was nothing but icy cold coming off him in waves. He’d already frozen Connelly out again. Just that quick.
“Fuck off.”
“Aza—”
“Don’t you dare say my name like that right now.” He shook his head, obviously seething. He paced two steps away and back again. “I trusted you. Do you know how hard that is for me?” He stalked closer and shoved at Connelly’s shoulders. “Do you?”
“Yes. I—”
“No you don’t. You couldn’t. Because if you knew, that makes you the cruelest person I’ve ever known,” Azariah scoffed. “And I’ve known some fuckers in my short life, Detective. Some real fuckers. But you... God!” He paced away again. “Just, fuck off.”
“Please, let me explain.”
“Explain? What? How you used me for information that got my friend arrested for possession? Or how you completely betrayed me for your case against Castor? Or, how about how you paid my rent behind my back because you think I’m incapable of taking care of myself?” Azariah nodded. “Didn’t think I knew about that yet, did you? Sure, I got a great surprise when I tried to pay Mrs. Duncan with the money I fucking earned the goddamn hard way. So fuck you for taking that away from me.”
“Azar—”
“I told you not to fucking say my name. You lost that privilege when you stuck that dagger between my shoulder blades.”
“It didn’t happen like that. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“Well you did.” Azariah scrubbed at his face angrily and then straightened his shoulders. “Thing is, I’m used to it. For a second there I thought maybe you were different, that I could be different with you.” His voice broke like he was holding back tears and the sound ricocheted in Connelly’s chest like a bullet.
“I thought... I thought...” Another shake of his head. “I broke all my rules for you.” Then he turned and walked away.
“Azariah! Please!” Connelly called after him and then he ran. He grabbed Azariah’s shoulders and spun him around. “I am not the one who got Savage hooked on drugs.”
Azariah pushed away. “God, you don’t understand at all, do you?”
“You were in trouble. What was I supposed to do?”
“Nothing! It wasn’t your responsibility. I was handling it.”
“It didn’t seem that way from my perspective.”
“Fuck you.”
“I was helping. I help everyone, can’t you see that?”
“I didn’t ask for your help.”
“Maybe not, but you needed it and I gave it because I care about you. I only ever wanted to protect you.”
“I never wanted your protection. I just wanted your support, but you couldn’t give me that. You had to take the control away from me.”
“Control? What kind of control did you have when you fucked me raw right after you had a stranger’s dick up your ass? Huh? All I’ve ever done was try to take care of you, but you took that gamble with both of our lives.”
Connelly wanted to snatch his outburst back as soon as the words escaped. Azariah flinched like he’d just been shot, like Connelly’s words were just as damaging as a bullet.
And they were, to their newborn relationship.
Azariah let out a sarcastic half laugh and shook his head. “How could I have been so fucking naive? Here I was thinking you were a good, honest, decent man who actually cared about the real me, but all along you’re just an asshole like all the rest of us. You really had me going, you know? Last night, this morning, and all those goddamn pretty words. I actually started to believe you.”
He reached inside his pocket and pulled out an envelope, then threw it at Connelly. “Take it. I can’t be indebted to you too.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Z made it all the way back to his apartment without crying. Not a single tear, even though it felt like the force of a waterfall was lodged in his throat. He’d managed to breathe through it, mostly, and limp to the bus station. Thankful for the warm night air because otherwise he may have ended up frozen on the bench.
The wait for the next ride was the hardest part. He’d never realized just how many people walked in pairs. Tonight it seemed like everyone was happy and in love—except him. Couples were holding hands, laughing, kissing and looking adoringly into one another’s eyes. It was suddenly all he could see when just a few hours ago he’d been blind to it.