Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 126485 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 632(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126485 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 632(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
“Do you really want to get to know me?” I asked. Aislinn was scared of many aspects of my personality, and for good reason.
Aislinn gave me an exasperated look. “Do you really want to have children with a woman you don’t know?”
When I’d sent our soldier to visit Patrick, I hadn’t made him only question the idiotic sod about Aislinn’s sexual endeavors. I wanted to know everything.
“I know a few things that tell me you’d be a good mother. I know you took care of your sister’s son because she didn’t want to. You were only sixteen but you didn’t hesitate to take on the full responsibility. You didn’t go to college because your family’s debts are too high. Instead, you worked as a waitress and spent every penny on your family. You still take care of little Finn, and now you’re trying to take care of your ungrateful sister.”
Aislinn remained silent.
“You could have just been a teenager. Partied, gone to college, snogged around, enjoyed yourself. Instead, you chose to become Finn’s substitute mother. Becoming a mother for a child that isn’t even your child, at such a young age, is already hard, but Finn’s not even a normal kid with his impairments.”
Aislinn’s face turned red, her eyes widening with rage. “He’s as normal as you and I. Don’t say that! I once kicked the asses of three teenage boys because they made fun of Finn’s spasms, and I don’t care who you are or what you’re capable of, I’ll kick your stupid ass too if you insult him.”
She swallowed hard, her chest heaving. People didn’t insult me, but I wasn’t angry at Aislinn’s outburst—it only confirmed what my research had revealed about her. “Can I get another ladle of soup?”
She swallowed again then nodded slowly. She took the bowl, filled it with soup then set it down in front of me.
“Sit down. I want company,” I said gruffly, and she complied.
“I’m aware of my body,” she said simply. “I’m not ovulating in the next few days, so you can’t get me pregnant.”
“Ovulating. What a sexy word.”
Her lips pinched. “It was for nothing.”
“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. It was very pleasurable, and there will be other occasions where I can get you pregnant.”
Aislinn shook her head. “Finn wasn’t wanted. Imogen tried to want him, but he always felt that he’d been a means to an end, her ticket out of Dublin, her way to blackmail a rich guy. He’ll have to live with that burden all his life. I don’t want to have children that don’t feel wanted because we have them for the wrong reasons.”
“And what reasons would that be?”
“You want to bind me to you. My mother prevented a marriage with her pregnancy and you’re trying to salvage ours with one.”
I laughed bitterly. “Sweet Aislinn, you are bound to me. And our marriage has just begun. If you’d just stop being so stubborn, it wouldn’t need salvaging. But I think you’re scared of liking me.”
I think you’re scared of liking me.
That was true.
My eyes stung, not because of those words but because of his assessment of me. Lorcan’s words from last night kept repeating in my head. I’d often doubted myself over the years. Finn had seen me cry more than once. A couple of times, I lost my temper and screamed at him, only to burst into tears right after. I didn’t feel like I took the best care of him. Hearing Lorcan’s take on things eased some of my worries. Maybe it was ridiculous to believe a criminal’s judge of my character, but he was the first person to tell me I hadn’t failed. Mum never said I failed but she never praised me either. I didn’t blame her. She had too many worries.
I wanted children one day, when my life wasn’t quite a mess anymore, and when I had a partner at my side who’d be willing to take care of them too. It was ludicrous to imagine Lorcan as that person. Could a criminal be a good father? Maybe. I didn’t know. There were plenty of people who weren’t criminals that were very bad parents.
I tossed and turned in bed. I’d been awake since four in the morning, when Lorcan left for the docks. I hadn’t slept much that night, not because of the sex. It just felt strange to fall asleep next to Lorcan. I had never slept next to anyone, except for Imogen or Finn. Lorcan didn’t seem to be bothered by my presence in the slightest. He was sound asleep soon after we’d gone to bed.
The darkness in the room was interrupted by the light on my phone. As soon as I saw Mum’s name flash across the screen, I reached for it. I hadn’t found the time to call her since the wedding. May I just don’t know what to tell her.