Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“I don’t know what you should do either,” she admits. “I wish you could’ve taken my money instead of Nolan’s, but I understand why you were put into that position, and I understand the choices you made. They’re not the same choices I would’ve made, but still. I get it. It’s only—” She takes a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I walk over and hug her tightly. She hugs me back, tentative, but I needed this. I feel like I’ve been so distant from Ash lately, like I’ve been dealing with this Nolan thing all alone. I’ve been too afraid to talk to her, and since Jamila hates me, I can’t confide in my former best friend. I’ve been so isolated, and just having Ash here, talking to me about my situation, that makes it a little bit easier.
“I don’t think Nolan wants to hurt me,” I say softly, pulling away and wiping my eyes.
“You’re sure about that? The Crowley boys sometimes have a strange way of showing their affection.”
“I think he wants to keep me.” I hesitate, not sure how I can explain it, but decide to dive in. “When we started, he was talking about how he doesn’t like his life and he’s trying to find meaning. He thinks I’m going to be that purpose. Like we’ll have a family together and that’ll solve his existential crisis.”
Ash whistles. “I never would’ve imagined Nolan had that level of depth to him.”
“How much do you know about Nolan? I mean, before I married him?”
Ash leads me over to a half-finished bench. We sit together, her legs crossed toward me. I feel stiff, exhausted, and afraid. But I desperately need to keep this conversation going, if at least to find out a little bit about the family I married into.
“He and Carson used to be close, but then they had a falling out around the time Carson and I got together.” She smiles bitterly. “The family’s been changing a lot these last few years.”
“But what kind of person is Nolan?”
“I don’t know him that well,” she admits. “Carson says he’s dependable, he’s a good man, but that means a lot of things in their line of work. He’s got a reputation for—” She stops herself, glancing at me.
“Go ahead, say it.”
“He runs good crews. Street crews. Which means he’s got to be a little, you know, hard.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, he’s violent, or so I hear.”
I tap my fingers against my knee as it jostles up and down. “Women? Does he have girlfriends?”
“I don’t know. Most of the family guys have girls. Some are married, some are lifelong bachelors. I always figured Nolan wouldn’t ever settle down.”
“Because he’s constantly with new girlfriends?”
“I guess?” Ash frowns at me. “Does that bother you?”
“No,” I say quickly, which only makes her shake her head. “It’s not like that. He and I are just—I don’t know, I guess it’s a business arrangement.”
“Sounds like it’s more than business for him.”
“He can say whatever he wants.” It comes out harsher than I intended. Ash looks surprised by my tone, and I force myself to soften. “He keeps saying he wants to convince me to stay with him, and I keep telling him that isn’t going to happen.”
“What if it does?” she asks. “Would that be so bad?”
I close my eyes. I think of my baby growing up in the Crowley family. What would become of my child if I let them learn how to be a person from violent criminals? Even if Nolan isn’t violent to me, and even if he keeps his work life separate from our home life, some of the Crowley corruption’s going to infect my baby. Slowly, but surely, it’ll happen.
“Yes,” I say quietly. “It would be.”
Ash studies me for a long moment then shrugs. “At least you know.” She stands up suddenly. “Just make sure he understands.”
“I’ve been trying.” I feel despair weighing me down. “He doesn’t listen.”
“Sounds like you really did marry a Crowley.” She grins at me. “Come on, Keels, you’ll be okay. I’ll help you, I promise. As much as I can, anyway.”
“Really? Even after I turned down your offer?”
She waves that away. “I don’t care about money, you know that. I only offered because you’re my friend. I don’t even like donuts.”
“Liar. I’ve seen you wolf down like a dozen in a single sitting.”
“Okay, fine, I freaking love donuts, which is why I shouldn’t be anywhere near this place when it’s up and running. I’ll gorge myself.”
“Feel free. Doors are always open.”
She sighs, a hand on her forehead. “I’m going to turn into dough. I’ll roll around in the back until you fry me.”
“I bet you’d make a delicious donut.”
“Damn right.” She grins and holds out a hand, helping me up. We hug again, briefly this time, and without any crying. “Seriously, Keels. He’s treating you okay, right?”